Seth Meyers on Pete Hegseth: ‘The face of a man war-fighting with his colon’

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Late-night hosts dug into the Trump administration’s vague intentions for the war in Iran, the conflict’s oil-price effect and a Maga rally in Kentucky with Jake Paul.On Late Night, Seth Meyers checked in on Donald Trump’s now two-week-old war in Iran.“The president is maybe sort of threatening/teasing that he might put boots on the ground in Iran? But Republicans can’t seem to agree on whether they support that idea, or for how long, or why,” he explained.The confusion comes from the top: Pete Hegseth, the “defense secretary/morning show host/fifth-year senior who just found out that yeah, he’s gonna need to do a sixth year” who made a big deal about turning the defense department into “the department of war” and “refocusing on the core mission: war fighting”.“And before we go any further: was there a problem with the term ‘warfare’?” Meyers wondered.

“Did we need ‘war-fighting’? It’s just a weirder way to say the same thing.It’s like asking someone if they want to go out to dinner-eating.”“Modern Warfare was a popular video game.Modern War-Fighting is a janky board game your nana gets you because she sucks at listening.”Though Hegseth promised to cut wasteful spending and focus on war, his department apparently spent $15.

1m on ribeye steak and another $6.9m on lobster tail in the month of September alone.“No wonder Hegseth always looks miserable – he’s 24/7 meat-constipated,” Meyers laughed.“That’s the face of a man war-fighting with his colon.”“Also, it’s a real contradiction here telling us how tough you are, but now I can only picture you wearing a bib,” he added.

“Hegseth claimed his focus was going to be on ‘war-fighting’ and ‘lethality’ but it sure seems like his actual priorities are very different,” as the department also spent billions on IT support for cable TV throughout the Pentagon and hundreds of thousands of dollars on a grand piano, among other luxury instruments.“So the Pentagon seems a lot more focused on fancy meals and high-end instruments than laying out concrete goals for the war in Iran, which might explain why no one seems to know what we’re actually doing there,” Meyers noted, referring to numerous reports that behind closed doors the president has expressed interest in sending US troops into Iran.“If you’re going to do something as serious as send troops into war, you should be able to explain why,” he concluded.“But they can’t! And Americans are angry.”On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert looked at reports that Iran is laying mines in the strait of Hormuz, through which 20% of the world’s oil supply travel.

“Oh no, that’s truly going to make it a dire strait,” he quipped,Iran has also covered the strait with shore-based missiles and explosive-laden boats,Ten vessels have been attacked since the fighting began, and on Tuesday evening, three more were hit with projectiles,“The strait of Hormuz is now the most unsafe place to be on a boat, narrowly surpassing ‘with your recently divorced uncle who wants to see what this baby can do’,” Colbert joked,“There’s no end in sight, either,” as earlier this week, Iran said that until the US and Israel end their attacks, it will not allow “even one liter of oil” to leave the region.

“Ok, but liters are meaningless to Americans,” said Colbert.“We need it in our system of measurement, like ‘gallon’ or ‘gulp’” or, for some gas station beverages, “double gulp”.The conflict is causing “complete chaos” in the oil market, with prices for gas on a steep rise.Just two weeks ago, the average price per gallon of gas was $2.98; on Wednesday, it was $3.

58, and Trump is “scrambling to minimize the political damage,” Colbert noted.Earlier this week, he posted on Truth Social that “short term oil price, which will drop rapidly when the destruction of the Iran nuclear threat is over, is a very small price to pay for USA, and World, Safety and Peace.”“Easy for him to say – he doesn’t pay for his own gas.That’s anyone who stands behind him,” Colbert joked.The weekend’s oil price spike caught the White House off-guard and, according to one insider, “surprised” the administration.

“Really?! You were ‘surprised’ that bombing the place the oil comes from makes the oil cost more?” said a flustered Colbert, who compared the surprise to saying: “Huh, I thought burning down the Ann Taylor Loft would lead to more sensible workplace separates.”And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel observed that the mood around this weekend’s Oscars is “a little bit tense this year”, after the FBI warned local law enforcement that Iran hoped to launch a drone strike on the west coast.“Isn’t this how Iron Man 3 started? The movie?” said Kimmel.“We can’t handle a drone strike.We barely survived the writers’ strike here.

”“I hope these Iranians realize, Donald Trump wants you to bomb us,” he added,“For him, that would be a win-win,He might even bomb us himself and blame it on you,Just keep that in mind,”“Somehow we are in an even bigger mess than we were last month, and the month before that,” he later said.

“Our president is a disaster, and everyone around him is too scared to bring that up.I mean, we have credible threats of retaliatory drone attacks on California, and this guy today is in Kentucky reminiscing about the way Obama went down the stairs.”That, and inviting social media personality/troll Jake Paul on to the stage.During the rally, Paul said that the thing he learned from Trump was “courage” and how “we never back down from a fight”.“I wonder if Jake knows that Trump got a note from his podiatrist to dodge the draft,” Kimmel laughed.

“Do you think maybe he kept that a wonderful secret from Jake?”
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Mother’s Day UK recipes: three delicious ideas to make for your mum from Ravinder Bhogal

Few things say “I love you” more than an unbidden cup of tea, but if you want to show true appreciation to the maternal figure in your life this Mother’s Day, there’s nothing better than a few indulgent snacks to go with it. I love the British tradition of afternoon tea, but I find finger sandwiches in hotel lobbies a little too fussy. I would much rather a fortifying savoury sandwich, a slab of good, old-fashioned cake and buttery biscuits that crumble into a million sweet crumbs.This very simple cake can be baked in a regular cake tin, but cooking it in a bundt tin makes it much more of a showstopper. If you want to forgo the icing, serve with a dollop of creme fraiche and berries instead

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Benjamina Ebuehi’s recipe for caramelised white chocolate and rhubarb cheesecake | The sweet spot

It’s often my own impatience that forces me to make no-bake cheesecakes over baked ones. They’re not at all as faffy, though it’s pretty hard to beat the lighter, silkier texture you get with a baked version plus the extra effort is worth it on a special occasion such as Mother’s Day. I’ve sweetened the filling for this one with caramelised white chocolate – it brings a beautiful, creamy, dulce de leche-type caramel flavour that even the biggest white chocolate haters should enjoy. If making your own caramelised white chocolate feels a step too far, however, just buy bars of blond chocolate instead. Top with gently poached rhubarb for a pop of colour and to cut through the richness

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Noma chef resigns amid allegations of physical abuse of staff

René Redzepi, the head chef and co-founder of Noma, has announced his resignation from his internationally acclaimed Copenhagen restaurant following allegations he physically abused his staff.Redzepi had been facing protests in Los Angeles before a four-month pop-up that launched this week. His resignation on Wednesday comes after the New York Times detailed allegations of physical and psychological abuse, including claims that he “punched employees in the face, jabbed them with kitchen implements and slammed them against walls”.He wrote in an Instagram story: “I’ve decided to step away and allow our extraordinary leaders to now guide the restaurant into its next chapter.”Redzepi said the recent weeks had “brought attention and important conversations about our restaurant, industry and my past leadership”, writing: “I have worked to be a better leader and Noma has taken big steps to transform the culture over many years

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Light red wines for spring drinking

Can wine ever be good for you? The question has surely occurred to most of us after a night on the chȃteau de migraine, especially if we’ve read the increasingly dire warnings on alcohol consumption. Still, as with chocolate, a lot depends on what type of alcohol you drink. After all, a 90% cocoa solids situation is probably going to do less harm than, say, a family tub of Celebrations, and, while all alcohol is, I hate to break it to you, alcohol, there are definitely better choices you can make.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link

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Rachel Roddy’s recipe for risotto in bianco | A kitchen in Rome

Parmigiano reggiano, grana padano, lodigiano, trentingrana and the other members of the grana-type cheese family (there are many, and all are worth seeking out) are far from cheap. Which is why it is important to use every last bit, including the rind with the last few millimetres of cheese still attached. That functions as a sort of highly flavoured and fatty stock cube that can be added to soups and stews. The best place to keep your precious rinds is in a plastic bag or airtight container in the freezer, which also preserves flavour and stops them drying out, until they’re pulled out and added directly to whatever needs a boost, or to make one of the nicest, most delicately flavoured and cheesy broths, which in turn makes a lovely risotto.I have written about risotto many times here, with each version a new favourite, and providing lessons in a dish that, regardless of how much I learn and practise, I am always chasing: the right proportions of rice to broth, as well as a pleasing consistency and texture

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‘Highly problematic behavior’: Noma residency in LA starts with PR crisis

It was always going to be an indulgence for René Redzepi, the Danish-Albanian chef of Noma fame, to bring his exacting, innovative vision of haute cuisine to Los Angeles and spend several weeks tickling the palates of well-heeled diners at a hilltop estate once dubbed “the most beautiful home in Hollywood”.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more.The timing has certainly been unfortunate, since the US is now fighting a destabilizing war in the Middle East and food prices are climbing so steeply that many ordinary Americans can no longer afford to eat at McDonald’s, much less contemplate the counterintuitive delights of tacinga cactus, bougainvillea petals, mealworms and giant tuna eyes