A clever person knows their limitations … Kemi believes she has none | John Crace

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Taxi for Kemi.It’s only a matter of time before Tory MPs start thinking the unthinkable and hand their leader her P45.It could be happening even now.This week’s prime minister’s questions can only have concentrated a few minds.Buyer’s remorse has long since passed.

Some have now moved through the five stages of grief,First there was the denial,Despite evidence to the contrary, Kemi was doing better than expected,It didn’t matter that she had taken the Tories from the high 20s to the mid-teens in the opinion polls,She was destined for stardom.

It was just a matter of the country keeping up with her brilliance,One day soon she would show her genius and lead the Conservatives to the promised land,Just look,On some days when Keir Starmer was having a really bad day, Kemi had got the better of him at PMQs,Who could ask for any more than that?Then there was the anger.

The realisation that Kemi wasn’t all that much after all.That they had voted themselves another dud.There just hadn’t been anyone noticeably better.Next the bargaining.Did they really have to go through all this again.

Maybe if they all tried to be better people then Kemi might prove herself to be at least an adequate stopgap before they could agree on anyone better.Then the depression.This was their reality and they were stuck with it.Finally, just a few MPs have made it through to the other side of acceptance.If not an entirely happy place, then a place where they were more or less at peace.

They could admit their mistakes, try to move her on, and move on.They wanted to be kind, if at all possible.Avoid any humiliation.But all thinktanks had rejected her.Mainly because she can’t think.

Not on her feet.Not when sitting down.All that was left was to hire her out to Spurs.Tottenham are on course to churn their way through at least four more managers this season on their last-chance power drive to relegation.And Kemi is the undisputed queen of self-destruction.

Surely she could take over for one game,Lead Tottenham to a 5-0 home defeat to Brighton,It would be no worse than Igor Tudor,And her name would liveth for ever more in N17,This week’s PMQs could just have been Kemi’s worst ever.

A low bar,Worse even than last week when she was truly dreadful,Because on Wednesday she didn’t just show she was tin-eared,She showed that she’s not that bright,Mainly because she imagines herself to be an accomplished performer.

Someone with all the details at her fingertips.A clever person knows their limitations.Kemi believes she has none.Kemi began with a half-witted question.Why did the prime minister want to increase the price of petrol? Quite apart from the fact Keir Starmer had done nothing to indicate that he did, it gave him the opportunity to point out the essential absurdity of Kemi’s position on the war.

All along, it had been his aim to de-escalate the situation,To not join in with the US and Israel, and to only allow UK bases and forces to be used in defensive operations,Meanwhile, Kemi has never yet come across a war in which she doesn’t want to play an active part,It would be a dream come true for her to be allowed on a bombing mission,Only last week she had been criticising Starmer for not having allowed Donald Trump to do whatever he wanted.

For being a coward.Then on Tuesday, Kemi had given an interview to the BBC in which she insisted that she had never said the things everyone had heard her say.The whole country had suffered an audio malfunction.Because when she had said she was all for the war, what she had really meant was that she was fully behind the prime minister’s decision to take a back seat.Anyone who disagreed with her was a liar.

And how dare anyone suggest she had misread the mood of the country by thinking Trump was a reliable ally?“This is the mother of all U-turns,” said Starmer,A bit of a cheek from someone who has done more U-turns in the last 18 months or so than any prime minister in history,There again, maybe U-turning on a war is a different category,A higher order U-turn,If Kemi or Nigel Farage had been prime minister, we’d have found ourselves bombing Iran on day one of the war.

Only for a week later to send a letter of apology to the Ayatollah,“You know that war we started against you,Well, we’ve decided we made a bit of a mistake,Got carried away by The Donald,So can we pretend those bombs we dropped on you never really happened?”There was just time for Kemi to embarrass herself one last time as she tried to explain how we were both at war and not at war at the same time.

Schrödinger’s war.“I would have sent HMS Dragon to the Gulf a week ago,” Kemi said defiantly.Brilliant.In which case she would have sent a boat that was neither seaworthy nor stocked with the right defensive munitions for engagement.Presumably, her master plan was to send HMS Dragon to scuttle itself in the strait of Hormuz.

The ultimate act of futility.Much like Kemi’s performance at PMQs.Later in the afternoon, the cabinet minister Darren Jones gave a statement on the release of the first tranche of the Peter Mandelson files.A great deal was much as we already knew.That Starmer had made a massive error of judgment in even contemplating giving Mandy a job as ambassador to the US.

The links with Epstein were well known.In reply, the shadow minister Alex Burghart made much of Mandelson’s severance payment of £75k, despite Jones’s explanation that was probably the least the government would have got away with.Mandy, meanwhile, had been holding out for more than £500k.I have my dignity to think of, he had wailed.Only that ship had sailed decades ago.

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A clever person knows their limitations … Kemi believes she has none | John Crace

Taxi for Kemi. It’s only a matter of time before Tory MPs start thinking the unthinkable and hand their leader her P45. It could be happening even now. This week’s prime minister’s questions can only have concentrated a few minds. Buyer’s remorse has long since passed

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Starmer attacks Badenoch and Farage over Iran war support U-turns at raucous PMQs

Keir Starmer has attacked Kemi Badenoch and Nigel Farage over their stance on the war in Iran, accusing both of U-turning on their support for Donald Trump.At a raucous prime minister’s questions, Starmer accused the leader of the opposition of making the “mother of all U-turns” and furiously trying to backpedal after on Tuesday she denied calling for the UK to join the US president’s war on Iran, after previously saying Starmer should do more to “stop the people who are attacking us”.Last week Badenoch repeatedly pressed Starmer on his decision not to launch offensive strikes to destroy missile bases, asking: “Why is he asking our allies to do what we should be doing ourselves?”On Wednesday, Starmer said: “If I’d asked her last week, her position would be, we support the initial strikes and we want to join the war. This week, she says, we don’t want to join the war. That is the mother of all U-turns on the single most important decision a prime minister ever has to take, whether to commit the United Kingdom to war or not

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‘Nothing off the table’ as Rachel Reeves considers ‘targeted support’ over energy costs

Rachel Reeves has refused to rule out ditching a planned fuel duty increase in September, as she promised “nothing is off the table” to help consumers with rising energy costs amid the Iran conflict.The chancellor told MPs on the Treasury select committee that options for “targeted support as well as broader measures” were being explored, although she cautioned that it remained “too early” to be sure emergency help was required.Against a backdrop of volatile conditions in energy markets amid the US-Israel war with Iran, Reeves said the government was prioritising the de-escalation of the conflict and pushing for the safe passage of oil and gas exports through the critical strait of Hormuz.She said Britain was also “willing to play its part” to release strategic oil reserves alongside other countries in the 32-member International Energy Agency, in a push to bring down crude prices that have soared.However, she signalled the Treasury was working on contingency plans for an emergency energy support package to help British households bracing for a sharp rise in living costs

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Starmer warned cabinet against ‘overly deferential’ relations with devolved governments

Keir Starmer warned his cabinet against an “overly deferential” approach to the Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish governments, according to a leaked memo.In the document from December, obtained and published on Tuesday by Plaid Cymru, Starmer said ministers should be prepared to make spending decisions “even when devolved governments may oppose this”. It came shortly after Labour Senedd members wrote to the prime minister over concerns his administration was rolling back devolution powers.“Overly deferential or laissez-faire” engagement with the Celtic administrations would “almost inevitably create political challenges or missed positive opportunities”, he wrote.The memo is dated 10 days after an unprecedented letter to Downing Street signed by a third of Welsh Labour members of the Senedd over a funding row they called “at best deeply insensitive, at worst a constitutional outrage”

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Shabana Mahmood approves police request to ban al-Quds march in London

A pro-Palestinian march in London on Sunday has been banned by Shabana Mahmood after police warned of a risk of “serious public disorder”.The annual al-Quds Day march has drawn criticism over apparent backing for the Iranian regime after its organisers expressed support for the country’s late leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.Some participants in the past have waved the flag of the Iranian-backed Hezbollah group, which is banned in the UK as a terrorist group.Announcing her decision to ban the march after a request by the Metropolitan police, Mahmood said she was “satisfied doing so is necessary to prevent serious public disorder, due to the scale of the protest and multiple counterprotests, in the context of the ongoing conflict in the Middle East”.The home secretary added: “Should a stationary demonstration proceed, the police will be able to apply strict conditions

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Hereditary peers to lose their seats in the House of Lords

Hereditary peerages will be abolished before the next king’s speech after a deal was struck granting life peerages to some Conservatives and cross-benchers losing their seats.On Tuesday evening the upper chamber accepted a final draft of the House of Lords (hereditary peers) bill, marking the end of its passage through parliament and clearing the way for it to be added to the statute book.The Lords leader, Angela Smith, confirmed the government would offer life peerages to some of those who would otherwise lose their seats. As a result, the Tories withdrew their opposition to the bill.Since 1999, up to 92 hereditary peers have been able to sit in the upper house and cast their votes in the lobbies but the bill effectively reduces this quota to zero