‘See no evil, hear no evil’: Starmer goes on full sycophant alert | John Crace

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Let’s face it.What’s a bloke got to do to win the Nobel peace prize these days? I mean the much-coveted inaugural Fifa peace prize is all very well – The Donald is slated to win that one in perpetuity – but it’s the Scandi laureate that is the real deal.The one that people will remember.And what more could the US president have possibly done to secure the £1m prize last year than to end at least eight global conflicts.Including ones between countries that didn’t even know they were at war with one another.

Still, the Albanians and the Azerbaijanis must be very relieved to have taken part in a war in which no shots were ever fired,But Donald Trump is nothing if not a trier,He wants that Nobel prize badly,So his new year resolution for 2026 has been to adopt the Donroe doctrine of selective regime change,Start a small war in order to prevent a much bigger one.

A service to the rest of the world.I mean, no one much liked Nicolás Maduro – least of all most Venezuelans – so he won’t be much missed when he is kidnapped and thrown in a New York slammer.A few people might quibble that if the US was really cracking down on “narco-terrorism”, then The Donald might have gone after the former Honduran president who had already been convicted in a US court.Though for some reason, Agent Orange chose to pardon him instead.Probably just an oversight.

An easy mistake to make.After all only a diehard cynic would imagine the coup had anything to do with Venezuelan oil reserves.Keir Starmer will be kicking himself.All he had to do to keep his promise of reducing everyone’s energy bills by £300 was to invade Venezuela, remove Maduro and install a more amenable government.Fair to say that the US attack caught the entire world on the hop.

And if it gave the Nobel committee plenty to think about ahead of this year’s deliberations, it also gave many global leaders a headache.Not least the UK prime minister.How to criticise the US without appearing to criticise the US? If the US can do this to Venezuela, what’s to stop The Donald from doing the same to us? In the new world order where American interests are all that matter, careless talk costs lives.The stars and stripes flies proudly over Downing Street.So for the past few days, Starmer has been on full sycophant alert.

Refusing to say whether he thought the US had broken international law by its rapid-fire invasion and kidnap.Even though the UN charter is completely clear that international law has been broken, Keir’s mantra has been ‘See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’.He doesn’t know all the facts even though The Donald has been happy to share them with every visiting journalist.Trump has no qualms about what he has done.He’s thrilled to bits with himself.

But Starmer has gone out of his way to be as uninformed as possible,Whenever any of his advisers try to get him up to speed, he interrupts and changes the subject,Basically none of this is any of our business, he says repeatedly,If the Americans want to invade Venezuela then it’s their shout,International law can be whatever The Donald wants it to be.

And yes, it is completely different to Russia’s war with Ukraine and China’s claims on Taiwan.How so? Because it is.Stop asking difficult questions.International law varies depending on whether we like the country being invaded.What’s not to understand?Conveniently for Keir, the Tories also have taken to applying moral relativism to international law.

The law can be whatever we need it to be at any given moment.All that matters is doing nothing that might upset the Americans.So Kemi Badenoch has also gone out of her way to take as little interest in the legal niceties.At times like these, a sensible politician learns to look the other way.And as Kemi herself has admitted, she hadn’t been entirely sure where Venezuela was on the map – somewhere in Africa maybe? – and she wasn’t in any hurry to find out.

These things would work themselves out somehow.Far be it from her to cast judgment.Other politicians were a little clearer-eyed.Labour’s Emily Thornberry – along with the Lib Dems and other Labour MPs from the left of the party – were adamant that two separate things could both be true.You could dislike Maduro and be pleased to see the back of him and be concerned that his removal had broken international law.

If the law doesn’t matter then it’s a free-for-all race to the bottom which will be won by the US, Russia and China.Weirdly, Nigel Farage was also clear that international law had been broken.Though he seemed to think this was a good thing.A Brexit bonus was the destruction of a safe world order.Monday was also time to spare a thought for the hapless Mike Tapp.

The junior Home Office minister who is the Alan B’Stard of the 2024 intake.A man who is quite happy to say and do anything he is told by Downing Street.Even if it makes him sound like a complete halfwit.At best.On Monday, he ventured into quarter-wit territory in an interview with Sophy Ridge on Sky News as part of the morning media round.

What about Greenland? Ridge asked,What about it? Said Tapp,Ridge tried to talk him through it,After the success of the Venezuelan operation, Trump and his team were openly considering coups in Greenland, Cuba and a host of other countries,And Greenland was currently under the jurisdiction of the Danes.

You could see the panic in Mike’s eyes.No one had given him a steer on Greenland and he wasn’t sure what to say.So he defaulted to his original brief not to say anything that might upset the Americans.‘Er,’ he said.It was like this.

It wasn’t for the UK to do anything about Greenland.Greenland could look after itself.And if the Americans did invade the country it wouldn’t be so bad.I mean, what had the Danes ever done for Greenland? The country couldn’t get by on bacon and Lurpak indefinitely.A few more KFC franchises and a Walmart would cheer the country up.

So bring it on.You could see the light dying in Mike’s eyes as he said this.It will be a while before he recovers.Sensing that throwing Greenland under a bus wasn’t quite such a good idea as first thought, Starmer rowed back a little in a later TV interview.He did have a line after all.

And Greenland was it.But Venezuela was still America’s to do with as Trump chose.What a time to be alive.Happy new year everyone.The Bonfire of the Insanities by John Crace (Guardian Faber Publishing, £16.

99),To support the Guardian, order your copy at guardianbookshop,com,Delivery charges may apply,
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Rukmini Iyer’s quick and easy recipe for roast sweet potato, feta and butter bean traybake | Quick and easy

A brilliant, warming 30-minute traybake, all in one tin. I love the combination of roast sweet potatoes with crumbled feta and a bright, fresh pesto; adding butter beans to the mix brings another hit of protein, as well as getting more legumes into your diet – win-win! A jar or tin of chickpeas would work just as well, if that’s what you have in, and feel free to substitute the parsley for other soft herbs, should you wish.Prep 15 min Cook 30 min Serves 22 large sweet potatoes, scrubbed or peeled (up to you) and cut into 1½cm chunks570g jar butter beans (or 400g tin butter beans), drained and rinsed2 tbsp olive oil 2 tsp smoked paprika2 tsp flaky sea salt 200g block feta, crumbledFor the spring onion pesto 25g flat-leaf parsley, leaves and tender stems3 spring onions, trimmed and roughly chopped50g almonds, or pine nuts 50ml extra-virgin olive oilJuice of ½ lemonHeat the oven to 200C (180C fan)/390F/gas 6. Tip the sweet potato chunks, butter beans, olive oil, smoked paprika and a teaspoon of sea salt into a roasting tin or tray large enough to hold everything in almost one layer, mix well, then roast for 30 minutes.Meanwhile, blitz the parsley, spring onions, nuts, olive oil, lemon juice and half a teaspoon of salt in a high-speed blender or chopper

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Overnight oats, spinach pie and cheesy corn muffins: Alexina Anatole’s recipes for make-ahead breakfasts

The saying goes that you should breakfast like a king, and I’ve long found that the key to making that happen during the busy work week is to batch-prepare breakfast at the weekend. As we start a new year, the focus is back on balance, and these dishes offer both nourishment and flavour, while also being ideal for making ahead. The overnight oats are a source of fibre, the muffins are high in protein and the pie is a source of both.Prep 5 minCook 10 minSoak OvernightServes 4120g rolled oats 1 tsp ground cinnamon 4 small pears, 2 grated, 2 to garnishSalt120ml freshly squeezed orange juice (from 3-4 small oranges)2 balls stem ginger, finely chopped, plus 1½ tbsp syrup from the jar 200g greek yoghurt, plus extra to serveSliced pistachios, to serve (optional)In a small bowl, mix the oats, cinnamon, grated pears and a pinch of salt. In a second bowl, stir the orange juice, chopped stem ginger and ginger syrup, then stir this and the yoghurt through the oat mix

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How to make the perfect breakfast tacos – recipe | Felicity Cloake's How to make the perfect …

Breakfast tacos should not be confused with tacos eaten for breakfast. Of course, they often are eaten for breakfast, but the stuffed flour tortillas eaten on both sides of the southern US border are quite different from the tacos mañaneros of central and southern Mexico, the rich, corn-based tacos de canasta (“tacos in a basket”) or the smoky beef barbacoa that Monterrey-born Lily Ramirez-Foran recalls being her dad’s favourite Sunday breakfast. Instead, Texas Monthly explains, breakfast tacos “marry the key elements of an American morning – scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes – with the Mexican staples of salsa, cheese, refried beans … genius.”Although they’re originally a Mexican creation, according to José R Ralat, the magazine’s taco editor (what a job title!), these $3 treats are now so popular north of the border that they’re the subject of regular taco wars, mostly between those who claim Austin as their spiritual home (often blow-ins, according to their fiercest critics), and those who know that no single city can take the credit. The fillings may vary, from pork chops to chilaquiles and beans to cheese, but Ralat maintains that all should be salty, soft and, above all, comforting, and told the Washington Post a few years ago that “the greatest breakfast taco is the one made at home”

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Poon’s at Somerset House, London WC2: ‘The tofu dip alone is worth booking a table for’ – restaurant review | Grace Dent on restaurants

The cooking is refreshingly light, delicate and, you might even say, wholesomeIf you find yourself ice-skating at Somerset House in central London over the next week or so (and hurry: you’ve got only until 11 January before it closes), then first please accept my commiserations. Second, please also note that the Chinese restaurant Poon’s, by Amy Poon, scion of the Poon’s restaurant dynasty, recently rooted itself in the New Wing.Ice-skating itself I have nothing against, but we can all agree that these slippery yuletide stampedes on temporary rinks are the polar opposite of festive, so surely it would be far better to be hiding indoors in the warmth with a round of prawn wontons, a bowl of nourishing “magic soup”, or some wind-dried meat claypot rice. Plus, when the weather outside is frightful, the decor in Poon’s is utterly delightful. So gorgeous, in fact, that within two minutes of entering this dusky, muted salmon-pink, twinkly peach, womb-like space, I found myself asking for the name and brand of the paint shade, because it felt instinctively one that, if applied to my own walls at home, would solve many existential problems

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Benjamina Ebuehi’s recipe for yoghurt panna cotta with banana and tahini crumble | The sweet spot

I’m of the opinion that we still need dessert in January. In a month that’s typically grey, dreary and ridiculously long, it’s the little things that spark joy. Granted, I’m not necessarily reaching for anything too rich or heavy, but when I’m craving a bit of sweetness, the likes of this yoghurt panna cotta really hit the spot. If you squint, it could easily be mistaken for a fun breakfast pot.The crumble will make more than you need for this, so save the leftovers in an airtight container for a handy crunchy snack

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How to turn the dregs of a bottle of beer into cheesy rolls – recipe | Waste not

If you don’t fancy the last warm finger or two of beer in your can, save it to bake into these fluffy, flavourful rollsI often don’t finish a large bottle or can of beer, leaving a bit in the bottom that barely seems worth saving. When I remember, I’ll pop it in the fridge and save it to add to a stew or batter, but today’s rolls are my new favourite way of using it up.You’ll need just 150ml beer to make these fluffy, super-flavourful buns. They’re a serious treat, and wonderful straight from the oven or dipped into a hearty stew. To build good gluten strength, especially when working with wholemeal flours, always add any extra flavourings such as cheese and herbs after the dough has had its initial proving time