Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s ballroom: ‘What can you say? The man loves to dance’
On late night’s Cinco de Mayo edition, hosts focused on the ballooning cost of Donald Trump’s new White House ballroom, the return of the presidential fitness test and a fast-food employee who allegedly fired a gun at a customer for helping themselves to free soda.After touching on Monday night’s Met Gala, Jimmy Kimmel wondered if the glamorous event could have a home next year in Trump’s new White House ballroom.“Originally he said it was cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors,” Kimmel said.“Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors.Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project.
” The audience loudly booed.According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner.“A billion dollars for a ballroom”, the host said despairingly.“What can you say? The man loves to dance.”“This is not a popular project,” Kimmel continued, adding that only 28% of Americans support the endeavor.
“Why does he need a room to hold balls? […] He’s already holding JD Vance’s balls, he’s got Lindsey Graham’s balls, he’s holding the balls of almost every Republican in Congress.”Kimmel then moved on to address news that Trump would be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration.“He wants kids to get in shape,” the host said.“He said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.’”He then joked that, while the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess “how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth”.
“Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing.”On Late Night With Seth Meyers, the host also focused on Trump’s plans to bring back the presidential fitness test.On Tuesday, he announced the initiative at the White House in front of gathered schoolkids.“In front of a group of schoolchildren, President Trump claimed that Iran would have launched a nuclear strike against the US and Israel if he hadn’t started the war,” Meyers said.“Said the kids, ‘Uh, is this going to be on the test?’”“You just know those kids were thinking, ‘Yeah, but didn’t President Obama reach a deal with Iran during his administration?’” Meyers joked.
“I mean, they were thinking it, but they were polite not to say it,”The host then moved on to discuss the latest seemingly AI-generated image posted by the White House: Trump dressed as the Mandalorian holding baby Grogu, to commemorate the unofficial Star Wars Day of 4 May (“May the fourth be with you,” etc),“The only thing I like about this image is that Grogu is looking at us like, ‘Can you believe this shit?’” Meyers said,The host concluded with news that Florida authorities had arrested a Taco Bell employee for allegedly firing a gun at a customer who filled up their water cup with soda,“Police are calling the man unstable, and Taco Bell are calling him employee of the month.
”On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert wished audiences a happy Cinco de Mayo,“For those who don’t know, Cinco de Mayo is the day a co-worker in a problematic hat is going to invite you out for margaritas,” he joked,“This Cinco de Mayo is extra special because it happens to fall on Taco Tuesday,” he added,“Taco Bell is offering free Crunchwrap Supremes, and 7-Eleven has a Bogo on burritos,And I’m guessing if you eat more than one 7-Eleven burrito, you Bogo-ing to the hospital.
”Colbert then moved on to a segment called Hormuz Nuz U Can Uz, detailing new reports that the strait of Hormuz is again closed with more than 1,600 boats and 20,000 seafarers stranded.Yesterday, Iran hit the UAE with missiles for the second day in a row.“That is dangerous, not just for Middle East peace but to my parent corporation,” said Colbert.“Paramount’s bid to buy Warner Bros relies on $24bn in Gulf funds, including the L’imad holding company, which is run by the crown prince of the UAE.So this war could endanger the UAE-approved version of HBO.
”The host then went on to imagine what such programming would look like: “the hot Euphoria reboot: Obey Your Parents,”He then discussed Trump’s presidential fitness test White House event, where the schoolkids gathered seemed confused as the president discussed the Iran war,“All right kids, now let’s read Green Eggs and Ham,” Colbert joked, imitating Trump’s voice,“The eggs are green because the chickens have mutated from radioactive fallout,But don’t worry, you won’t have to eat it because you’ll all be dead.
”
Google announces raft of free upgrades for Android phones
Google has announced a range of features coming to Android phones this year, including a new Gemini Intelligence AI system and a tool to help users avoid distracting apps.Revealed in a livestreamed “Android Show” event, the free upgrades are scheduled to arrive in waves over the next year for high-end new and old phones alike, including Samsung and Pixel devices. Google also revealed that a new lineup of laptops will arrive in the autumn.Gemini Intelligence will combine the company’s top AI tools into one system aimed at being more proactively useful.It will be able to automate tasks by directly interacting with the apps already on a phone
Head of Microsoft’s Israel branch to step down after inquiry into dealings with Israeli military
The head of Microsoft’s Israeli subsidiary will step down in the wake of an inquiry that has scrutinised its business dealings with the Israeli military.Microsoft ordered the inquiry last year in response to a Guardian investigation revealing the military had used the company’s technology to operate a powerful surveillance system that collected Palestinian civilian phone calls on a mass scale.The joint investigation with the Israeli-Palestinian publication +972 Magazine and the Hebrew-language outlet Local Call found the military’s elite spy agency, Unit 8200, had used Microsoft’s Azure cloud platform to store a vast trove of intercepted calls from Gaza and the West Bank.The inquiry commissioned by Microsoft is understood to have recently concluded. Its findings are unclear; however, sources familiar with the situation said they prompted an announcement last week that Microsoft Israel’s general manager, Alon Haimovich, would leave the company
GameStop’s $55.5bn bid for eBay rejected as ‘neither credible nor attractive’
The board of eBay has rejected the US video games retailer GameStop’s surprise $55.5bn bid (£41bn) for the online marketplace, describing the proposal as “neither credible nor attractive”.Earlier this month, GameStop made an unsolicited bid for eBay, publishing a letter on its website outlining a half-cash, half-stock proposal.This was despite the US games company – which became a global household name during the meme stock craze of 2021 – being worth far less than its takeover target. GameStop had a market valuation of roughly $12bn before its bid, almost a quarter of eBay’s $46bn valuation
Trump heads to China to spread the gospel of American tech
Hello, and welcome to TechScape. I’m your host, Blake Montgomery, US tech editor at the Guardian.Donald Trump is headed to China this week. If his guest list is any clue, he wants to discuss technology with Xi Jinping, though perhaps after the war in Iran.On Monday, news broke that outgoing Apple CEO, Tim Cook, as well as SpaceX and Tesla’s CEO, Elon Musk, would join Trump
Trump heads to China to spread the gospel of American tech while emulating Xi Jinping on AI
Donald Trump is heading to China this week. If his guest list is any clue, he wants to discuss technology with Xi Jinping, though perhaps after the war in Iran.On Monday, news broke that outgoing Apple CEO, Tim Cook, as well as SpaceX and Tesla CEO, Elon Musk, would join the US president. Other guests from the tech sphere include Meta’s recently appointed president, Dina Powell McCormick; Sanjay Mehrotra, CEO of computer memory maker Micron; Chuck Robbins, CEO of longtime telecom giant Cisco; and Cristiano Amon, CEO of semiconductor maker Qualcomm, according to a White House official.Jensen Huang, Nvidia’s CEO – who is close to Trump but criticized the US’s limitations on chip sales to China in an April interview, saying that he didn’t want a “loser mentality” to cost the US its edge in AI – will not be joining the president
Molière Ex Machina: AI used to create ‘new work’ by beloved French playwright
Molière is to the French what Shakespeare is to the English: the last word in historical literature, drama, wit and satire.Now, more than 350 years after his death, the 17th-century dramatist has been revived after scholars at the Sorbonne University in Paris used artificial intelligence to help write an experimental play in his style.L’Astrologue ou les Faux Présages (The Astrologer, or False Omens), a three-act comedy, made its debut at the Royal Opera at the Château de Versailles last week.The two-hour play tells the story of a wealthy bourgeois Parisian who, under the instruction of a charlatan astrologer called Pseudoramus, insists his daughter Lucile marry a debt-ridden and elderly wigmaker.While the theme could well have been dreamed up by Molière, the dialogue, music, costumes and scenery were all created with the help of a French AI tool called Le Chat (The Cat)
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Ah, ah, ah, ah - I saved my dad’s life with a little help from The Office and the Bee Gees