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Jon Stewart on Trump: less war leader, more ‘grandpa who’s lost his filter’

6 days ago
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Late-night hosts checked in on Donald Trump’s costly “improv” war in Iran, which he cannot seem to focus on for more than one minute.This week marks a month of Donald Trump’s unauthorized war in Iran, “and as we all know, one month is the elevated threat anniversary”, joked Jon Stewart on Monday evening.“Trump is threatening to escalate our bombing campaign unless Iran opens the strait that they closed in response to Trump’s bombing campaign,” the Daily Show host explained.“I believe we’ve entered what General Patton used to refer to as the ‘human centipede portion’ of the war.”Stewart then mocked news coverage of the strait of Hormuz closure, which focused on potential disruptions to the supply of Dubai chocolate, the chocolate bar with pistachio paste that has become a favorite treat of influencers.

“Oh no! What will our influencers stand in line to pretend to eat?” he joked,“Dubai chocolate? My god! It’s been an American staple for tens of days,”“I can’t believe how the news has to frame world events to try to make Americans care,” Stewart continued,“The whole region is being flattened,Innocent people are dying.

Their food and fuel are in total chaos, and our news is like, ‘If this goes on any longer, say goodbye to your stuffed-crust pizza!’”The host then tore into Trump’s inability to focus on the war, not letting a major military escalation prevent him “from doing his rounds at the golf course and at a Saudi investment meeting in Miami”, he said.“Because God forbid, during a war, he let the precipice of world war three yuck his yum in any way.”“I find it so astounding that this nuclear-armed manbaby doesn’t seem to have any understanding of the confusion and anxiety that his ill-planned adventure in Iran is causing this country,” he added.“He’s just trucking along like it’s any old episode of The Apprentice.”On Friday, the president addressed a room full of Saudi investors – “who you would think might be very concerned about the bombings in their neighborhood”, Stewart noted – but “he wants to let them know: we don’t have to talk about that at all.

”At the briefing, Trump rambled on and said: “You can ask me anything you want,You can talk sex!”“We can ask about sex … ?” asked a nervous Stewart, facetiously pulling out a folder labeled “Epstein Files”,“Honestly, his leering behavior is less ‘commander-in-chief at war’ and more ‘grandpa who’s lost his filter in public’,” he noted,“Instead of assuaging a nervous nation, he’s just embarrassing the whole family at dinner, going, ‘Hey, you see our waitress is a busty one!’”“All we keep hearing from this administration is why the American people have to sacrifice for Trump’s vision of America’s greatness,” he concluded,“That these temporary disruptions are just part of the process.

And why can’t we be patriots? We have to be patient.We have to suck it up.Whether it’s high gas prices or whimsical tariff inflation, or draconian ICE raids, or temporary Bill of Rights suspensions – it’s on us to understand.But Trump gets to be just the same ol’ ‘ain’t I a stinker?’ utterly self-absorbed ‘remember when I used to want to fuck hot girls?’ twat self.”“Can you imagine any other president, let alone a wartime president, being this fucking indulgent?”And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert recapped the third weekend of No Kings protests, which drew over 8 million people worldwide and was the largest single-day protest ever held in the US since the first Earth Day in 1970.

Trump is “so unpopular”, Colbert added, that there was even a large No Kings march in London.“A No Kings march in London must have been awkward,” Colbert mused.“How does that make Charles feel?”Colbert paid particular attention to the Minneapolis march, which included a giant inflatable Trump that appeared to be defecating on the constitution.“Spectacular craftsmanship,” the host said.“Above all else, whoever made that should be proud, because one day their grandchild will ask them how they resisted the rise of American fascism, and they can proudly say, ‘Well, Tyler, your grandma and I worked round the clock with a team of fellow patriots to answer the eternal question of democracy: can we make an angry balloon that looks like it’s pooping fire? Yes, you can.

”“One reason that so many people showed up to No Kings this weekend is that we are still at war with Iran – I think?” Colbert continued, “because Trump is sending mixed messages” by pursuing both a rapid-exit strategy while also mulling escalations that would dramatically raise the stakes.“Trying to follow the strategy of this president in this war is like getting relationship updates from your most chaotic friend – ‘Travis and I are either breaking up, or getting engaged this weekend.But one thing is for sure: we’re getting a dog!’”Despite claiming that the war is won, Trump is reportedly threatening to send troops, giving the war an “erratic, make-it-up-as-you-go feel”, as the New York Times put it.“Yes, it is officially America’s first improv war,” Colbert quipped.“There’s a reason Trump thinks of the war as a bunch of zooms and booms,” he added, because the president is reportedly receiving his daily briefing on the war in the form of a highlight reel of, as one person described it, “stuff blowing up”.

The videos, prepped for him by the Pentagon, includes the biggest strikes on Iranian targets in the last 48 hours,“It’s a greatest hits of the Pentagon’s greatest hits,” Colbert quipped, “and it’s all compiled on the CD Now That’s What I Call A Military Operation: Because Legally Only Congress Can Declare War,”
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Medicines watchdog to investigate UK peptide clinics over health claims

The medicines regulator is investigating whether UK clinics are breaking the law by making claims about the benefits of unregulated, experimental peptide therapies, the Guardian can reveal.Interest in experimental peptides has boomed in recent years. The substances are delivered by injection and are touted by sellers, influencers and even some medics as aiding everything from anti-ageing to recovery from injury.There is little scientific evidence to support such health and wellness claims in humans. Where studies have been carried out, most are in animals or cells

1 day ago
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‘Young people want to come together’: experts respond to mass teen meet-ups in Clapham

It started with a flyer sent around on Snapchat. Teenagers were invited to gather at a south London basketball court to celebrate the start of the Easter holidays. They were told to bring their own weed and laughing gas because it was going to be a late one.What followed in the hours after was chaos. Hundreds of young people came to the “link-up” last Saturday, and then gathered on Clapham High Street

3 days ago
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Dorothy Logie obituary

My sister, Dorothy Logie, who has died aged 83 of Alzheimer’s, was a Scottish GP whose commitment to global health extended to HIV/Aids care and advocacy in Africa.Dorothy was born in Aberdeen, the daughter of Adeline (nee Donald), a housewife, and William Caie, group secretary of Aberdeen General Hospitals who helped establish the NHS in Aberdeen, inspiring Dorothy to study medicine. She left St Margaret’s school aged 17, qualified as MBChB from Aberdeen University in 1966, and married Sandy Logie, a fellow doctor, two weeks later.She and Sandy travelled the following year to the Gambia to join the Medical Research Council; Sandy was a medical officer and Dorothy researched maternal malaria. When she became pregnant with their first child, she returned to Aberdeen, but the visit sparked a lifelong love of Africa

3 days ago
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How we won a refund from a cash-grabbing care home firm | Letters

As witness to the cash-grabbing nature of these businesses (The great care home cash grab: how private equity turned vulnerable elderly people into human ATMs, 28 March), I would like to draw your attention to a specific practice: that of trying to deny grieving families the balance of fees owed to them when a resident dies in the home with full weeks already paid for.I had already heard of this from someone else, so I was on the alert when the same thing happened to us. We were told that it was not their “policy to refund” when, policy or not, a careful reading of the contract showed that the money was owed. We appealed, and were successful.I imagine that many families in the grip of bereavement simply accept this “policy”, shrug their shoulders and say goodbye to the money owed to them

3 days ago
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Calling us Auntie or Uncle is no insult | Letters

Re Lola Okolosie’s article (Is calling a woman ‘auntie’ ageist harassment – or a mark of respect? It’s a trickier question than you think, 31 March), I was interested to read uncle/auntie described as honorifics. Growing up (I’m 60-plus years old, Scottish), I think it operated as a familiar term. I was taught to call close friends of my parents Aunt Jane or Uncle John. Otherwise Mister/Miss.Clearly, there is an honorific element – if I am (as a child) calling you Aunt, you are close to my parents, but it was not related to age – I would never have dreamed of calling anyone Aunt/Uncle on an age basis

3 days ago
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Young people ‘more likely to leave for health reasons when in low-paid, insecure jobs’

Young people in the UK are more likely to leave their job for health reasons and become economically inactive when they work in insecure, low-paid sectors, a study has found.Research carried out for the Trades Union Congress by the consultancy Timewise charts a connection between the jobs young people are most likely to do – in hospitality, retail and care, for example – and the proportion of people leaving because of ill health.“The occupations that young people are concentrated in are associated with high numbers of people moving into long-term sickness and worklessness,” the analysis said.The authors said that these sectors were also among those most likely to offer precarious or low-paid jobs.More than 40% of staff in accommodation and food services are in insecure working arrangements, for example

3 days ago
foodSee all
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Reese’s chocolate heir accuses Hershey of altering recipes: ‘It wasn’t real peanut butter’

3 days ago
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Put away the Aperol and raise a glass to Hugo spritz, the drink of the summer

3 days ago
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Helen Goh’s recipe for ricotta, rum and raisin cake | The sweet spot

3 days ago
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Cocoa-crazy: chocolate-infused liqueurs deserve their own moment

4 days ago
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Baked cheesy smoked haddock and lemon icebox pudding: Henry Harris’ alternative Easter lunch

4 days ago
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Rachel Roddy’s Easter cannelloni with spinach, peas, ricotta and mozzarella – recipe

4 days ago