Fran Lebowitz: ‘Hiking is the most stupid thing I could ever imagine’
I would like to ask your opinion on five things.First of all, leaf blowers.A horrible, horrible invention.I didn’t even know about them until like 20 years ago when I rented a house in the country.I was shocked! I live in New York City, we don’t have leaf problems.
We have every other kind of problem.When I was a kid, we had leaf raking.Which is quiet.Leaf blowers are the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.First of all, they are incredibly noisy.
And second of all, 10 minutes after you use it, that big leaf blower in the sky blows them all back.It’s a very stupid invention.Dinner parties.I like dinner parties at other people’s houses.I do not give them.
I think the world is divided between guest and host.I’m a guest.And I’m old, so I generally don’t get stuck at dinner parties I don’t like any more because I’m a very good judge of dinner parties before I go to them.Book clubs.I guess it’s nice people do it but, truthfully, I cannot think of a more solitary activity than reading – which is one of the reasons I love to read.
I don’t have any animus against the idea but it certainly doesn’t appeal to me.Airports.Airports are a horrible place invented by leaf blowers.Some are less horrible than others.But you can’t smoke in airports in this country.
And airports, like most of life, depend on who’s there.If the person standing at TSA is a nightmarish prison guard, you’re going to have a horrible experience.I have had my hands swiped for explosives more times than anyone you could imagine.And you’re not allowed to say what you’re thinking, which is, “Do I look like the person who has a bomb in my luggage? Let’s be sensible here.”Labubus.
I know what they are, unfortunately.There’s been many of these doll fads but these dolls are particularly unappealing-looking to me.What is different, now, is that adults do it.This used to be a thing kids did.But adults have these things connected to their bags and belts.
Frankly, they look ridiculous.What is the weirdest thing you have done for love?Romance is not your central concern when you’re 75, let me assure you.People who say it is, they’re lying.So, I don’t know.I realise people think I’m unusual but I’m not weird.
I’m not given to grand gestures either,It could be something weird by your own standards – like taking up an extreme sport,Oh, no, no, I would never do that,I was never so young that I ever said, “Oh, mountain climbing sounds fun,” No, it doesn’t sound fun to me.
You want to go mountain climbing, have a nice time.I don’t understand why anyone does those things.Hiking is the most stupid thing I could ever imagine.I have watched people play tennis, because that was right at the very beginning of falling in love.Two weeks later? I’m not there any more.
You’re famous for always wearing jeans,A lot of people hate buying jeans,Can you tell us the art of selecting the perfect pair of jeans?They no longer make the perfect pair of jeans,If I had known they were going to stop making the perfect pair of Levi’s, I would have bought 100 pairs! They’re not peaches, they’re not going to rot,But I didn’t know.
So if you want the perfect pair of jeans, you have to have them made now.Luckily, I have so many pairs of jeans that I’m still in the repairing stage.And I am old so I still think jeans are $25.Anything more than that is ridiculous.You have played a judge in both Law and Order and The Wolf of Wall Street.
Is there a particular reason why?I have been asked numerous times to act in movies but I can’t act.It’s a talent and I don’t have it.People will say, “But you were in Law and Order and Wolf of Wall Street!” And I say, “Yes, I played a judge – because I am a judge.” All I do from morning to night is judge.In these instances, I got to actually have a gavel and a robe, which I don’t generally go around with – although I would like to.
But I could not play any other role.Do you have a nemesis?Oh, I’m sure I have more than one.I’m sure I have them by the dozen.Luckily, I don’t really pay attention to other people in that way.I know I’m not America’s sweetheart.
But even if I knew exactly the name of the person, I wouldn’t tell you.Is there anything that New York could stand to learn or adopt from Australia?I wish we had a building as great as the Sydney Opera House.That would be great.I don’t know where we’d put it but, if they let me, I would find a place.The laws that you have around food are great.
There are many great restaurants that I’ve been to in Australia, but the quality of the actual food is fantastic.You don’t let any food in from other places.The most rigorous vetting I’ve ever had in an airport is coming into Australia.“Is that a seed you have on your shoe? Wait, is that a grape?” We could grow every kind of food here but we don’t any more.We get it from all over the place, so you can buy a watermelon in February.
It’s horrible.So that’s something Australian I wish we would adopt.But the chances that this present administration would do that is definitely out of the question.What do you think is the most overrated book?I don’t believe I could confine myself to one.There are many overrated writers.
I really want contemporary novels to be good but I find I don’t like the majority of them.Lots of times people say, “It’s generational, Fran, this writer is 20.” And my response to that is, “Well it is not good, because that shouldn’t matter.” Do I know how old Chekhov was when he wrote his stories? I don’t.Doesn’t matter.
It’s just a great story.Most of my adult life I’ve been very irritated by the legend of F Scott Fitzgerald.So every five years, I reread The Great Gatsby, hoping it’s not that good – but unfortunately it is.What is the oldest thing you own, and why do you still have it?I have tons of old things in my apartment.Most of my furniture is from the 19th century.
I have a lot of old books,I still have my childhood sled from when I was really little,I must have been, at the most, six years old,It has a rope tied to it so you could pull it up the hill – I remember watching my father tie that rope on,I also have my original childhood wagon.
And like everything else in this apartment, there are books on them.What is the worst job you’ve ever done?Boy, I had a lot of bad jobs when I was young.New York City was full of bad jobs in the 70s.You could get a different bad job every week, and I did.I used to think, “I hate this job.
I’m going to get a different bad job,” And then I would hate that job,Finally, I realised, and this is the truth – “Fran, you just don’t like to work”,I would have been a fantastic heiress,You were a New York taxi driver in the 70s, right?I was.
That was a bad job.It wasn’t bad in terms of money – you got paid in cash and you’d go to these big garages to get a cab every eight hours, so you’d always have money.But it was a dangerous job – nothing ever happened to me, but that was just luck.What has been your most memorable interaction with a fan?I’m in the street a lot and I take the subway, more than most people who get recognised in the street.People say, “Don’t you hate it?” I don’t hate it.
Because most of the people who want to talk to you like you.Though let me assure you, I get plenty of people who say worse things to my face.And people send terrible mail.Luckily, I’m not on the internet, so I don’t see the stuff about me on the internet, good or bad.I don’t care what other people think about me
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