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What a slip-up! The shop in Orkney that accidentally ordered 38,000 bananas

about 15 hours ago
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Name: Banana bonanza.Age: A few days old – and getting riper by the minute.Appearance: Try to imagine a lot of bananas.Easy.How many bananas is a lot of bananas? About 38,000 bananas.

I’ve changed my mind,This is impossible to visualise,Then you need to get to Orkney as soon as you can,What’s in Orkney? About 38,000 bananas,I suppose I should have seen that coming.

The real question you should be asking is why there are 38,000 bananas in Orkney.Because the answer is “human error”.Explain.The Kirkwall branch of Tesco recently intended to order 380kg of bananas, which is about 2,500 bananas.But it accidentally ordered 380 wholesale boxes, each of which contained about 100 bananas.

We’ve all been there,Once, I thought I had ordered a family pack of Mini Babybels, but in fact I had ordered one Mini Babybel,Did this hilarious mix-up result in you having to deal with 38,000 bananas?No, it resulted in me having five fewer Mini Babybels than anticipated,What a bad story,Try again when you’re up to your armpits in bananas.

Couldn’t the surplus be absorbed by the local population? Only about 22,000 people live across the islands of Orkney.As an equivalent, this would be like a Tesco in Greater London (population 9m as of 2024, according to the Office for National Statistics) accidentally ordering 15.5m bananas.Wait a minute, that’s only about 1.73 bananas each.

But what about those who don’t like bananas, or indeed the bananaphobic? That would push up the banana intake for everyone else.There’s no such thing as bananaphobia.Tell that to Sweden’s former equality minister Paulina Brandberg, who bravely revealed her fear of bananas in 2024.Sure, I’ll tell Brandberg not to visit Orkney for the length of time it takes the average Orcadian to eat 1.73 bananas.

I don’t think you’re grasping the severity of the matter here.Tesco had a time-sensitive crisis on its hands.Sorry, you’re right.What happened? The store gave away boxes to schools and community groups, a Tesco spokesperson told the BBC.Oh, that was it? Yes.

Crisis averted, lots of happy children.Victory snatched from the jaws of defeat.Well done, everyone.Still, what a hilarious slip-up.If that was a banana-skin joke, you’re fired.

Do say: “Banana bread for everyone!”Don’t say: “This is just like lockdown.”
cultureSee all
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The Guide #236: Is celebrity casting a cynical marketing stunt or does it help to democratise theatre?

Timothée Chalamet might have smirked his way out of an Oscar. Sabrina Carpenter might have been roundly snubbed at the Grammys. But there’s one place both would be welcomed with open arms: the UK theatre scene.It seems we can’t get enough of celebs on stage (acting chops preferable but not mandatory). This week alone, London’s West End features Stranger Things star Sadie Sink, singer Self Esteem and Strictly cutie pie Johannes Radebe

4 days ago
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From The Magic Faraway Tree to 5 Seconds of Summer: your complete entertainment guide to the week ahead

Enid Blyton’s classic kids’ fantasy novel gets the big-screen treatment, while the Aussie boyband hit the UK’s arenasThe Magic Faraway TreeOut now A family relocate to the countryside where they find a magic tree that transports them to a fantasy realm in this family adventure. Simon Farnaby (Paddington 2) adapts the Enid Blyton series for the big screen, with Andrew Garfield and Claire Foy starring as Mr and Mrs Thompson.They Will Kill YouOut now This latest eat-the-rich horror, directed by Kirill Sokolov, pits plucky ex-con Asia (Zazie Beetz) as a woman who answers a bad-faith “help wanted” ad against the inhabitants of a luxurious but demonic New York apartment complex that demands regular human sacrifices from its cult of devotees.SplitsvilleOut now Billed as an unromantic comedy about four people navigating the opportunities and pitfalls of ethical non-monogamy, this modern farce follows two couples as they make up and break up in different combinations. With Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Kyle Marvin (who also co-wrote the script) and Michael Angelo Covino (who also directed and co-wrote)

4 days ago
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Dark Mofo: 2026 festival to show Willem Dafoe film that can only be watched by one person at a time

A hallucinatory experimental film starring Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Rampling that can only be watched by one person at a time is heading to Australia as part of Tasmania’s 2026 Dark Mofo festival.It’s estimated that only 500 people in the world have seen French artist Loris Gréaud’s film Sculpt since its premiere at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art in 2016 – although the exact figure is hard to know, since he later gave the files to hackers to distribute over the dark web.But come June, a lucky few can bid to join the film’s rarefied audience, when Gréaud presents a new edit – bemusingly titled Sculpt: Eye of the Duck – to one audience member at a time at a secret location outside of Hobart. It exemplifies the kind of weird and wonderful, rare and had-to-be-there experience that Dark Mofo has become known for.On the morning of each performance, hopeful viewers will be able to queue at a box office in downtown Hobart for one of nine timed, solo-viewing slots that day

5 days ago
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Will this ‘Doritos-inspired’ hot cross bun cause some spicy full-scale anarchy – or is it merely weird-smelling clickbait?

Alyx, I tried one of the orange bread-things you left in the office kitchen. What was that?That, Julia, was the apotheosis of this year’s Easter rush of frankenfoods, a “Doritos-inspired” cheesy jalapeño hot cross bun. The trend of turning everything into a hot cross bun and turning hot cross buns into everything has been going for a while now, and this year the world’s biggest food companies got on board like brands at a pride parade in 2015.A savoury take is the most obvious of the not-crosses, which is why I bought it, but I also walked past a shelf filled with discounted Iced Vovo hot cross buns, alongside a bunch of other Arnott’s biscuits. If I’d gone to Woolworths instead of Coles, I could have picked up various CadburyxHXB collabs; and Aldi is doing a carrot cake number

6 days ago
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Ministers consider charging tourists to enter national museums in England

Ministers are considering charging international tourists to access permanent collections at national museums as part of an initiative to improve arts funding.The government said there was a need for long-term options to fund the struggling arts sector in its response to a review of Arts Council England, which distributes public funding to the arts. Among the options cited was a hotel levy, a policy being consulted on.But Alison Cole, the director of the Cultural Policy Unit thinktank, said charging international tourists would be a “very bad idea”.“There’s a much better way to save our wonderful civic museums and cultural infrastructure across the country, and that we believe is a hotel levy,” she said

6 days ago
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Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? at 60: Elizabeth Taylor still crackles with feral energy

After a long day at work, we may not instinctively leap to films about toxic marriages and relationship breakdowns – but by God they can make good drama. Blue Valentine, The Squid and the Whale and A Separation are some of the great portraits of love turned septic. But perhaps greatest of all is Mike Nichols’ directorial debut – a sizzling adaptation of Edward Albee’s legendary Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, which arrived in 1966, four years after the play, and helped cement it in the zeitgeist.The film was nominated for every eligible Academy award and won five, including best actress for Elizabeth Taylor, who delivers a searing performance as the ferocious yet vulnerable Martha. It’s lost none of its gut-busting charge today and her brilliantly performed experience still crackles with emotional electricity

8 days ago
societySee all
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Vaping likely to cause lung and oral cancer, Australian researchers find in new review of evidence

1 day ago
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Court of appeal says it cannot rule on which identical twin fathered a child

1 day ago
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Polio virus detected in London days before ministers cut global eradication funding

4 days ago
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More than 6m vapes and pods discarded weekly in UK despite single-use ban, study finds

5 days ago
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UK government must urgently apologise for forced adoption, MPs say

5 days ago
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Keir Starmer gives resident doctors 48 hours to call off strike or lose training offer

about 21 hours ago