The Madness of King Donald.Unless you’ve spent most of the last few years on a silent retreat – and who could blame you? – it can’t have escaped you that the American president is both not that bright and borderline sociopathic.A lethal combination.Posting “Open the Fuckin’ Strait you crazy bastards or you’ll be living in Hell” on his social media account is not the action of a well man.Certainly not when the Middle East is on a knife-edge.

But what you may have missed is that the madness is contagious.It also affects many of those who come in contact with him.Trying to deal with the madness makes them mad too, as they try to behave as if things that are most definitely not normal are all quite usual.All in a day’s work.And nowhere has this been more in evidence than with the two-week ceasefire.

A ceasefire in which no one is able to agree on what precisely – if anything – had been negotiated and which Israel has taken to mean it can continue to bomb Lebanon.Now it will come as no surprise that those closest to Trump in the White House are affected.That’s part of the deal.It’s when his advisers show signs of sanity that the president gets twitchy and decides to fire them.Which makes the secretary of defence, Pete Hegseth, perfectly safe for now.

Hegseth specialises in the insane,Only on Wednesday he was declaring the war had been a total success,Even though there is no sign of regime change in Iran, the US is still trying to knock out the nukes it had said it had eliminated the year before and Iran now effectively has control of the strait of Hormuz, which it didn’t before the war started,“No Americans have been put in harm’s way,” he declared,Which might come as news to the families of the 13 service members who have been killed in the last month.

“A capital V military victory.” Said the idiot with a capital I.It’s generally assumed that Keir Starmer has had a good war so far.Well, as good as he could hope for under the circumstances.He chose not to take part in a conflict of doubtful legality for which there were no clear objectives and only allowed British forces and bases to take part in defensive operations.

But even Keir has been challenged by the ceasefire that may not actually be a ceasefire.“There is work to do,” he said.Something of an understatement.Trying to make sense of a new reality that may not last 24 hours.Because in Trump World everything tends to be short-lived.

On Tuesday morning the US president was threatening Iran with civilisational erasure and genocide.Within hours there was a ceasefire that could mean any number of things to different countries.Nobody had thought to nail down the details.Was it genuine or was this Trump chickening out again.Taco.

Before long, Iran was saying it would charge ships to pass through the strait of Hormuz.A short time later, Trump had said this was such a good idea, the US would also extract a fee from shipping.What’s a war for, if you’re not going to make a buck.Your reminder that a month ago all ships could travel through the strait without paying anything.Somehow Starmer and the rest of the Nato alliance – with the exception of Pedro Sánchez, the Spanish prime minister, who said he wouldn’t be applauding those who set the world on fire just because they turned up with a bucket of water – have to react to Trump’s every move as if it was that of a rational man.

Someone who had had a plan all along,Partly because it is too terrifying to accept that the man in charge of the White House might be out of control, but also because they have no other choice,They are forced into colluding with the insanity,They have to work with whatever scraps they are thrown because that is the only game in town,There are no other options on the table.

A ceasefire that probably isn’t a ceasefire is better than no ceasefire at all.So Starmer has hotfooted it to the Middle East to try to make the ceasefire hold.Except that is also largely a charade.Because this wasn’t the UK’s war and our sphere of influence is extremely limited.We can urge countries to make Friday’s talks in Pakistan successful, but there is no way of knowing if anyone is listening.

Nor is there much we can do.We can demand freedom of shipping in the strait of Hormuz but we can’t enforce it as we have no naval vessels in the area.All we can hope to achieve is some sort of benign displacement activity.Because it’s better than doing nothing.Yet the Trump madness doesn’t stop there.

It spreads further down the food chain to other parties.Having initially demanded that the UK take part in the war, Kemi Badenoch has spent the past few weeks trying to claim she was against it all along.Even though her words are on record.Kemi has become like The Donald.Insisting that night is day.

The truth is now a spectrum of relativity.The Conservative leader also now berates Starmer for failing to have a proper military capability.Conveniently forgetting that it was the Tories who hollowed out defence.Kemi seems to think you can build a new destroyer in a couple of days.And then there’s Nigel Farage.

Only on Monday, Nige was virtually claiming he didn’t know who Trump was.Donald who? You know the one you gave a couple of Ikea candle-sticks to, having first painted them gold.Just wait till he finds out.The Reform leader now laments the end of the special relationship between the US and the UK, unaware that he did more than most to end it.Unaware too that it’s impossible to have a relationship with Trump that isn’t based on giving the president everything he wants.

The Donald doesn’t just hate the UK,He’s got it in for Nato too,Anyone or anything that dares challenge him,So the madness goes on and on,A sickness filtering ever further down the system.

No one is immune.Merely to engage with Trump – be it to defend him or to take him on – puts your sanity at risk.And if you think you’ve somehow escaped, then you probably haven’t thought this one through.We are living in a world increasingly of Trump’s making.And it isn’t going to end well.