Brainless moments, moral victories and tough lessons were abundant during a series that still provided plenty of dramaPlayer of the series Travis Head was the boxing kangaroo at the top of the Australia order.But this one goes to the other animal on the baggy green crest, Mitchell Starc bounding in like an emu, slicing through England during the live bit, and playing all five to finish with 31 wickets at 19 apiece.Elite.Best moment The old guard on both sides have done their thing plenty of times before, so this one goes to Jacob Bethell’s maiden Test century at the SCG.The style, the poise and the family looking on in bits made it poetry and cinema in one.

Most brainless moment Terrible shots are part of a game that is built on split-second decisions but the collective head loss from England in the field after Harry Brook dropped Travis Head early in Brisbane was pretty astonishing.Moral victory award Ben Duckett had a disappointing series with the bat but he still came across far better than the dipstick who filmed him three sheets to the wind in Noosa.Farewell to … an Ashes series that did not quite live up to expectations, granted, but as well as massive crowds it still generated far more memories, plotlines, stories and emotions than the majority of the soulless franchise “product” that has been waved through by feckless cricket boards.What should each side do before 2027? England need to wise up a fair bit, bring more technical coaching into the setup and foster greater hardiness – not least among the bowling attack.Maybe play a bit more.

Ease off the cosy brotherhood thing,Australia are going great guns; they should stick with these kids for a bit longer,Player of the series Travis Head,Not just the runs, but the right kind of runs, the right kind of victory,We will out-Baz you.

We will walk casually towards the danger in sliders and a vest,A smiling annihilation,Best moment For England: Jacob Bethell’s golden child hundred in Sydney,For Australia: witch-dunking the curator on the steps of the MCG, agonising over unfair grass and thus creating the first ever Immoral Victory,Void it.

Move on.Most brainless moment “If anything we over prepared.” Has there ever been a more tin-eared response to shambolic under-prepped defeat? Yes, Brendon McCullum was making a narrower point about nets.But come on.Have the basic courtesy to sit up straight and turn your brain on when you meet the people who pay your wages in TV subs and ticket stubs.

Moral victory award Jofra Archer in Adelaide.Take your chain off boy.Er.Only when I say so.But I will also take five-fer and wallop a quick 50.

A good moment in a strangely bruising England career.Farewell to … Stuart Broad as pantomime villain.Now reinvented in Australia as budding national treasure and all-round good bloke broadcaster.It turns out all they really wanted, in the end, was a tall handsome Englishman to explain how the world works.What should each side do before 2027? England: keep the captain, sack everyone else, re-engage with county cricket because this is what you have and what you are, like it or not.

Australia: yep.Carry on.Player of series Travis Head has been world class.He jumped at the chance to open in the second innings in Perth to win the game and has been a constant headache for England.Best moment To see Joe Root score a classy orthodox hundred among the wreckage and failure of England’s “one size fits all” approach to batting.

Boy does he put “pressure back on the bowlers”,Most brainless moment Jamie Smith’s dismissal in Sydney,Having been short of runs and time at the crease, the shot was particularly rash, with the second new ball looming and the chance to bat with the best player in the world at the other end,Moral victory Travis Head reaching out to Duckett when he received bad publicity after events in Noosa,Farewell to… Usman Khawaja, an excellent player with 8,000 Test runs but importantly a role model and an example of diversity representing Australia.

What should each side do before 2027? Identify batters with the attitude and desire to be top-order options against the challenges that Test cricket provides – pace, and a moving or spinning ball.Having a plan to develop several spin options.Shoaib Bashir’s one-dimensional skill set is the key reason he hasn’t featured.Player of the series Mitchell Starc is Christina Applegate: with all the adults away for the summer, he had to babysit the kids, provide for the household and find true love.Wickets, runs, ice baths, he ran the show.

Best moment Usman Khawaja’s SCG entrance: after being sniped by internet morons for observing that he had encountered racism in his life, his final Test saw him bathed in applause from the fullest standing ovation.Most brainless moment Undecidable.Harry Brook, the collapse drive in Perth, the dusk drive in Brisbane, the falling reverse in Adelaide? Jamie Smith, the Starc slog, the Labuschagne kamikaze? Brook’s first two turned the series.Moral victory award Jofra Archer.Has taken all kinds of unfair criticism, but did the work to play Tests again, and gave everything to keep them in the game in Adelaide.

Let down by teammates.Farewell to … Lively wickets.Every pitch curator in Australia will want to avoid what Matt Page went through at the MCG, now that players have decided it’s too hard to grind out an innings.Flatties ahoy.What should each side do before 2027? Australia, keep their bowlers fit.

They may be ancient but were far too good.Scott Boland and Michael Neser lost nothing by comparison with Cummins and Hazlewood.England, 18 months of catching drills.As badly as they batted and bowled, they might still have pinched the series had they held everything.Player of the series Of the three outstanding candidates, I think Alex Carey is the one, because he has been not only individually outstanding but also hugely influential, responsible for unlocking his teammates’ potential while padlocking his opponents.

Best moment Josh Inglis’s run-out of Ben Stokes in Brisbane demonstrated that one side was just on it, determined to win all the side skirmishes and microbattles, while the other was going to watch them do it,Most brainless moment Jamie Smith dropping Travis Head in the second Test,It’s been a terrible series for Smith, and his first dismissal in Sydney will get plenty of nominations, but this was embarrassing and demoralising,Moral victory award Snicko has been humiliatingly poor, but the beneficiaries of its dodgy decisions – Jamie Smith in Perth, Marnus Labuschagne in Brisbane, Alex Carey and Smith again in Adelaide, Ben Stokes in Sydney – always seemed to be Australia,Void series.

Farewell to … Running towards the danger,Turns out keeping the danger at arm’s length isn’t necessarily a bad idea,What should each side do before 2027? More than anything England need to take first-class cricket more seriously, without abandoning Brendon McCullum’s pressure-dodging philosophies,The approach that unlocked the coach’s massive potential as a player is fun and sometimes transformational, but it isn’t going to work on everyone,For Australia, it’s about evolution and rejuvenation, while retaining the beautiful cussedness that makes them so difficult to beat.

Player of the series The magnificent Mitchell Starc, who carried the Australia attack for five Tests, knocked over an Englishman in his first over four times, and was an unadulterated menace wherever he pawed the ground.Best moment Joe Root’s first hundred on Australian soil was pipped on the penultimate day of the series by Jacob Bethell’s coming-of-age maiden first-class century.Hope has landed, wearing a smiling peroxide mullet.Most brainless moment From an extensive taster menu of shonky English shots, Jamie Smith’s step back and wham to the zero-hours dobblers of Marnus Labuschagne wins the prized silver gravy boat.Moral victory award Never has Sky Sports been so missed.

Although TNT’s coverage perked up over the series, the urge to watch Nasser Hussain and Michael Atherton talking sense in crumpled shirts remained strong.Farewell to … 100% pure vibes.Though it was a breath of fresh air to some players, it became an ill-fitting suit for others.Golf and pitch maps.What should each side do before 2027? England: employ a fielding coach; make peace with county cricket and encourage players to play more of it – the higher the calibre of competition, the better for everyone.

Australia: ensure a smooth transition as this golden generation of players walks towards the sunset.Player of the series It took just two men to win this series for Australia: Travis Head and Mitchell Starc.As Ben Stokes’s nemesis, and a one-man pace attack, Starc edges it – pun very much intended.Best moment in Adelaide When Snicko adjudged Jamie Smith not out by way of helmet.Head’s reaction provided light relief – “The world is going mad!” – and an inadvertent summation of the series.

Most brainless moment So many to choose from, and that’s just Harry Brook.The loose drive to end his three-ball duck at Perth was arguably most costly, as England wasted their first and most crucial advantage position.Moral victory award Overheard on a Sydney tram: “Joe Root’s like Captain Cook.Comes over here, does some stuff, leaves.” Apparently his two centuries weren’t as meaningful to the locals as to his fans.

Farewell to … England’s claim to be saving Test cricket,They have been actively murdering it here, and if in five years we end up playing a “Test20” format, this series is why,What should each side do before 2027? Agree with each other to end the tyranny of home advantage,Set up schedules and prepare pitches that allow for even, entertaining contests that go the full length,Player of the series Mitchell Starc.

The fine wine of fast bowling welcomed England with a wicket from the first over of the series.Then claimed six more before tea.Finished with 31 wickets – the most taken in an Ashes series for more than a decade – at an average under 20 and a strike-rate below 30, and hit two critical half-centuries when the series was still alive.Best moment Travis Head’s spectacular counterpunch to lead the attack on a meagre yet improbable target in Perth could only have been more memorable if he’d started it walking out obscured beneath green and gold robes.His swashbuckling 123 from 83 balls floored the tourists.

Most brainless moment Even Smith, Brook, Green and Carey’s most cringeworthy brain fades with the bat could not match England’s decision to go all in on a battery of fast bowlers lacking miles in the legs and consistency in coaching support.Moral victory award Alex Carey has always given off an air of being untroubled by the suggestion that the devilish hand he had played in Jonny Bairstow’s stumping at Lord’s in 2023 might be “all you’ll be remembered for”.But his century and two fifties while this Ashes was still on the line, and masterful glove work throughout with 28 dismissals, left even the suddenly sensible – and undeniably likable – commentator Stuart Broad with little choice but to walk back on his sledge.Farewell to … Usman Khawaja.Will be remembered for blazing a trail as Australia’s first Muslim Test cricketer.

The path from there was long and winding before he enjoyed a career renaissance as a patient yet prolific opener.He signed off at the right time in the series finale in Sydney.What should each side do before 2027? Australia must rediscover their faith in spin bowlers.Or at least find one that they trust to follow in Nathan Lyon’s footsteps.England could learn much from Australia’s focus on the basics of the game, marginal gains and percentage plays.