Eternal 31 makes Crawley the tallest small person in England’s Ashes pyre

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It seems a little distant now, a little by-the-by, that this Ashes series was billed, among other things, as a referendum on Zak Crawley’s England career.The tour he was groomed for.The hidden sub-menace in his one-year central contract offer.Here was a chance to justify the high-wire walk of the last few years, to find an answer, perhaps, to the eternal question: is Zak Crawley actually any good?In the event other things have happened, other warning lights blinked, other elements of England’s collective failure creaked more urgently.Shoaib Bashir, the project spinner, plucked from social media for this tour, is in the 12 for Sydney.

He hasn’t taken a wicket in a proper game since July.Good luck babe!Meanwhile Crawley is preparing to play his 64th Test, 10th on the all-time list for England openers.He averages 31.He averaged 31 at the start of the tour.He looks better than 31.

He always looks better than 31.In Australia he has managed to make a pair in the first Test, but still end up as England’s top scorer heading into the fifth.Albeit on the current tour this is a variation on tallest very small person territory, most enjoyable snicko discussion, most luxuriously high-end TNT sport broadcast segment.Crawley averages 31 in this series too.This is Crawley maths.

He will always average 31, feast or famine.It is his destiny to remain unshakably himself.The Crawley identity will always be associated for some with the idea of favour, entitlement, indulgence.But there have been many more selfish England batters than this.A more favourable metric: Crawley has been part of 30 England Test victories, only one behind Michael Atherton but in 52 fewer matches.

This time around there has been variation.In Adelaide Crawley batted with restrained resilience for four hours on a fourth-day pitch.In Melbourne he produced a classic Zakball jaunty 37 in the fourth-innings chase, an innings that included the shot of the series, the straight six lifted with an easy grace over long on, the moment the game just slipped away from Australia, a victory that will stand as Bazball’s pyrrhic endgame.In Sydney Crawley is playing at his home from home, a place where he has spent a lot of time, including that rare thing, a record-busting stint in Sydney grade cricket, where the English generally come to suffer, learn, take their licks.A score here would confirm that this has been a good tour for Crawley, that his own run in the Test team will roll on beyond whatever happens to the current management.

Two days out, addressing the media from the SCG’s windowless press dungeon, he sounded calm, settled and full of road still to run,Press conference Crawley is decisively post-Bazball these days,At the SCG he was all dead bat and soft hands,Would losing 3-2 make a big difference to the mood of the tour? “It might not go our way but if we can put in a good performance this week I think it shows a lot about us,”Was the chase in Melbourne a gamechanger? “I felt like we had some clarity about that chase … When you’re chasing a score like that it gives you a lot of clarity about how you’re going to play.

”Has he had a good series? “Obviously I would have liked a couple of bigger scores than I could manage to change the course of a couple of games,Hopefully I can do that this week and contribute to a win,”OK then,How is Matthew Potts looking? “Every time I face him he impresses me, he’s got the heart of a lion, a lot of skill and if he gets the nod this week he thoroughly deserves it,”Is he inspired by his 77 here four years ago? And is a Zebra a horse with stripes, or a horse a plain version of a zebra?“I feel like I really enjoy playing my cricket in Sydney, so hopefully I can lean on that and create more memories.

”Is he a leader in this team? And what, if the universe is both expanding and also infinite, is the universe expanding into? How does infinity expand?“I just try to lead by example if anything, go about my business and stay in my lane.I know what my role is and just try to do that as well as possible.”There was at least a glimpse of shoot-from-the-hip Crawley, the guy who just wants to chase more, who thinks 3-2 would make a good series score, when he was asked about batting against spinner Todd Murphy, who may play at the SCG.“Whoever plays, I think that’s the mantra of our team: to try to put pressure on people.Todd’s a very good bowler, but I can envisage us trying to put some pressure on him, like we would all their bowlers.

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How to make garlic bread – recipe | Felicity Cloake's Masterclass

Once upon a time, an ex and I used to throw an annual party – a non-chic affair with a recycling bin full of ice and bottles – where the star, and the thing that everyone really came for, was the garlic bread: 10 or 15 loaves of the stuff, always demolished while still dangerously hot from the oven. I believe the original recipe was Nigel Slater’s; this is my tweaked version.Prep 15 min Cook 25 min Makes 1 loaf1 ciabatta loaf, or baguette – a slightly stale one, ideally80g room-temperature butter, salted or unsalted4 garlic cloves 1 small bunch parsley, or another herb of your choice (see step 6)40g parmesan, or similar hard cheese, finely grated, plus a little extra for toppingA squeeze of lemon juice, to finishSalt, to taste (if using unsalted butter)You can prepare this ahead of time (and you should, too, if you want to get the smell of garlic off your hands before the festivities begin) – the day before, or even up to a month in advance (in which case, wrap, freeze and bake straight from frozen, though, if you do so, add five to 10 minutes to the cooking time). In both cases, wrap it well in foil before storing.While day-old bread is easier to butter, it must still be soft enough to absorb large quantities of butter (anything too dense or crisp will repel it) and robust enough to maintain its structural integrity once soaked

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Festive finger food: how to use Christmas leftovers to make New Year’s Eve canapes | Kitchen aide

What canapes can I make for New Year’s Eve with my Christmas leftovers that will still feel special?Ella, via email Finger food needn’t be fancy, so New Year is a good opportunity to clear the decks. The only real rule is to keep things to just one bite – no one wants to be manoeuvring a fork, after all. “People just want a big hug of comfort food with a decadent twist,” says Max Bergius, founder of Secret Smokehouse in east London. “If you’ve got a bit of smoked salmon left, get that on blinis and top with lumpfish caviar, which is only £2-£3 per 50g pot.” Mini fishcakes would also be just the ticket: “Whether you’ve got leftover smoked haddock or hot smoked salmon, fold it through mashed potato, mix with dill, lemon and fried leeks, then roll in panko and deep-fry

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Rukmini Iyer’s quick and easy party platters: halloumi with pineapple salsa and za’atar carrots with labneh | Quick and easy

This hot halloumi platter is such a crowdpleaser that it’s worth making with two blocks of halloumi, even for a smaller group. I like to include this as part of a spread of mixed hot and cold dishes – a jolly, festive update on cheese and pineapple on a stick (which is admittedly hard to improve on). Then, a high-impact, low-effort dish: za’atar roast carrots with labneh and pistachio. On a whim, I hung a carton’s worth of plain yoghurt in muslin for labneh the other week, and now I can’t stop – it takes just 30 minutes for a soft-set, which is what you want here (for a firmer set, leave it to hang for an hour).To get ahead, keep the cut pineapple in a large bowl in the fridge, the chopped mint and chilli in a small bowl, and the red onion and lime juice in another small bowl

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Jose Pizarro’s recipe for caramelised brussels sprout and panceta montaditos

Brussels sprouts are perhaps not the first thing you think of when you think about Spanish food, but they do have a little history in my homeland. They arrived in Spain in the 16th century, through trade with Flanders, and were often paired with pork, which we love. Here, however, I caramelise them with onion, thyme and sweet vinegar, then serve on crisp baguette with soft cheese and pine nuts. A small bite with big flavour, and just right with a glass of oloroso – perfect for festive times.Prep 15 min Cook 35 minMakes About 20 canapes1 tbsp olive oil 125g sliced panceta (Spanish bacon), or pancetta, finely chopped1 medium onion, peeled and finely sliced1 garlic clove, peeled and finely sliced300g brussels sprouts, finely sliced3 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves stripped2 tbsp sweet apple vinegar 2 tbsp soft light brown sugar Salt and black pepper 20 slices fresh baguette 150-200g soft curd cheese, whipped, or whipped cream cheese50g pine nuts, toastedHeat the oil in a large frying pan, then fry the chopped panceta for about five minutes, until golden and crisp

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Tasting 291 Australian supermarket products has taught me there’s no correlation between price and deliciousness

After a year of taste tests, Nicholas Jordan has learned never to judge a food by its packet – including the cooking instructionsImagine going to a work Christmas party and being greeted not by your current workmates and bosses but by everyone you’ve ever worked with. Imagine the mix of dread, nostalgia and excitement that would bring on. That’s how I feel every time I walk into Coles Broadway.After trying 291 supermarket products for 14 taste tests this year (one more than last year’s haul) I feel as if I know all the characters in there and, despite only having relatively short interactions with many, I have strong opinions about all of them.I want to tell everyone my opinions but supermarkets aren’t particularly welcoming places for giddy soap-box speakers

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Drinks ideas to get your NYE party fuelled

Oh, you thought it was all over? After all the carolling, gifting and tree-ing (not to mention the eating and drinking) of the actual Christmassy bit, it feels almost cruel to have to do it all again, and on – in my opinion – one of the most stressful nights of the year: New Year’s Eve.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more.If you’re not paying over the odds and going out, with long queues and stressed-out staff, you’re the stressed-out one yourself