I’ve been asking Australians to anonymously rate their neighbours. Here’s what I’ve learned so far | Rowan Thambar
Last year I saw my neighbour throw dog poo at a man.It happened while my wife and I were playing catch with a Vortex in a South Yarra park.Yes, we are both 31 years old – thank you for asking.We saw a lady who lives in an apartment above us approach a man who was waiting for his dog to finish going to the bathroom.She had a plastic bag over her hand and determination in her eye.
I watched her bend down and scoop up the man’s dog’s poop while accusing him of never picking up after his canine companion,A kerfuffle ensued, culminating with my neighbour flinging this man’s dog’s faeces at him,I’ve seen stuff like this online but it turns out poo throwing is just like music – it’s much better live,Watching this take place was quite possibly one of the most thrilling and humiliating things I’ve ever watched one human do to another human being,And I’ve seen MAFS.
It’s hard not to see this insane incident as anything but a metaphor for what it’s like trying to live in society right now.We’re divided.We’re lonely.We’re flinging stuff at each other.We’ve lost the art of what it means to be a good neighbour – in a time when we need it more than ever.
For the past few weeks I’ve been trying to find the most neighbourly neighbourhoods in Australia.In the interests of scientific rigour, I built Rate Thy Neighbour, a digital platform that asks Australians to anonymously rate the people next door, converting their results into an Uber-style rating for their street and suburb.I wanted to rate neighbours on multiple categories, from letting you put stuff in their bin to how likely they are to lend you some milk – or, depending on where you live, almond milk.These ratings are then broadcasted live on a national leaderboard so that everyone in Australia can see which suburbs and streets are more friendly than others.It’s early days but here’s what I’ve learned from this experiment so far.
Nosy landlords, pesky councils, a new Westfield.A substantial number of high-rated neighbours have come from trauma-bonding and making the best out of a bad situation.At the extreme end of the spectrum are neighbours in Sunbury (Victoria) who developed a friendship after a unit in their complex was burgled and they teamed up to figure out who had committed the crime.While effective, community through vigilantism should always be a last resort (unless you’re deliberately angling for your own Netflix doco).Whether it’s a Rosehill (New South Wales) man who helped his neighbours rip up tiles (and consequently sliced his hand open on a shard), or a Glen Forrest (Western Australia) neighbour lending out his credit card when someone couldn’t find theirs, radical acts of generosity are the essence of being a good neighbour.
Just make sure they’re consensual.Don’t be like the Toowoomba (Queensland) resident who walked into their neighbours’ back garden unannounced to spray weed killer.At some point, you become more annoying than the lantana.A Fitzroy (Vic) neighbour escaped a low overall rating because, despite yelling at their dog at all hours of the night, they are always there when neighbours lock themselves out.However, data suggests there are some automatic disqualifiers – like leaving notes on cars, defending Hitler at the street Christmas party, or being an amateur DJ.
That was a hard way to learn I’ll never be the next David Guetta.A lot of people online have accused my neighbour rankings of being a “Karen App”.The irony is that it was fuelled by a desire to stop Karenism; a belief that there are better solutions than flinging faeces.I guess it’s true – either you die a hero or live long enough to watch yourself become a Karen.Much like turd-hurling, anonymously rating your neighbours is not a long-term solution to building better neighbourhoods.
I’m just trying to get us talking about what it means to be a good neighbour, in a time when we could all use more of them.It turns out it involves a little more community through vigilantism than is ideal.But desperate times call for desperate measures.If you want to know what happened with Rowan Thambar’s neighbour, his show Sorry For The Late Reply is touring nationally in 2026
Ready to order? 10 rules for UK’s restaurant diners
Hospitality is in a right state at the moment, what with the seemingly never-ending shitshow of rising rents and rates, extortionate VAT, higher staffing, produce and utility costs, and all those other well-documented socioeconomic pressures (don’t mention the Bre*it word, please). So the last thing those of us who work in this beleaguered industry need right now is to be kicked in the proverbials by the very people we rely on perhaps more than anyone. And, yes, by that I mean you, our lovely customers. So here is some advice on how to avoid infuriating your serving staff.Turn up … Pre-Covid, most restaurants didn’t have the balls to take card details or charge for late cancellations and no-shows, but that’s all changed now (thank God)
Is foraging really feasible to feed myself?
When I called Robin Greenfield, an environmental activist and author, his assistant answered. “We’re stopped really quick,” Marielle said, adding “he is harvesting a ton of wild onions right now. He’ll be on in just a minute.”I waited, curious to see his haul and bemused by his willingness to delay an interview for wild vegetables. I had called Greenfield, who wrote Food Freedom about the year he grew and foraged 100% of his food, to talk about how possible, or hard, it is to do just that
Benjamina Ebuehi’s recipe for lemon lamington cake | The sweet spot
I think lamingtons should be much more popular than they are on this side of the world. One of my go-to coffee shops is Aussie-run and they always have a proud display of chunky, jam-filled, chocolate- and coconut-coated lamingtons. Making them isn’t complicated, just a little messy with all the filling and dipping of multiple cubes of cake in different bowls. In an attempt to streamline the process, and because giant versions of anything are always fun, I’ve made one extra-large lamington. It’s a wonderfully soft sponge, covered in lemon curd ganache and filled with plenty of cream, making for a very pretty Easter centrepiece
Aperitivo or dinner? Portuguese whites are always right
Portuguese wines have been making steady advances on British drinkers in recent years, and for good reason. The country is home to many delightful indigenous grapes (bom dia baga, encantado encruzado), as well as the sort of varied maritime, mountainous terrain that encourages personality. Its winemakers tend to be forward-thinking and climate-conscious, too, and there are lots of bottles of interest at the “midweek” price point – that is, £8-£13. Case in point: the “yellow tram wine”, AKA Porta 6 Lisboa, is now a ubiquitous presence on our high streets.The Guardian’s journalism is independent
From basil to pistachio and peas – in praise of pesto, whichever way you make it
It was not without satisfaction that I found my 14-year-old son making pesto the other week – for the first 13 years of his life he referred to it as either “pesto-the-bogey-man”, or “gross”. To avoid interfering and sabotaging the moment, I didn’t look too closely, so I didn’t clock the shallow bowl and immersion blender combination. I did hear the noise – a blunt churn – as the blade hit the leaves and nuts. Acting more like a leaf blower than cutter, it sent green and white oily fragments up the cupboards and over pretty much every pot, utensil and tool nearby. Impressively unfazed, he managed to scrape a good proportion of the elements into the food processor and make an extremely tasty pesto, which was mixed with linguine, green beans and potatoes
Anything but eggs – the best chocolate for Easter
If you like chocolate and nut butter, Radek’s Chocolate is doing wonderful things with both, and its dairy free Silky Almond Chocolate Rabbit is magically creamy. Looking more like subservient mice than bunnies, NearyNógs’ dark chocolate bunnies, stuffed with salted caramel, were my favourite. A superb, successful marriage of very good Ecuadorian chocolate and caramel: worthy of a royal telegram.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link
Oil on track for record monthly surge as Iran war disrupts markets
War in Iran erodes the chancellor’s headroom and exposes our fragility | Heather Stewart
‘Our assumptions are broken’: how fraudulent church data revealed AI’s threat to polling
‘They feel true’: political deepfakes are growing in influence – even if people know they aren’t real
Mary Rand obituary
Alfie Barbeary’s late try earns Bath thrilling comeback victory against Sale