My cultural awakening: A Jim Carrey series made me embrace baldness – and shave my head on the spot
I was a mess of insecurities, trying to hide thinning hair, worried I was ageing too quickly.Then a scene in the TV show Kidding changed everythingGrowing up, I was obsessed with Jim Carrey.I was just entering my teens when The Mask came out, and I can still picture myself watching Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls on TV one weekend afternoon, absolutely howling at the silliness of it.His elastic facial expressions, the energy, the stunts – it was the perfect tenor of humour for a young boy.By the time I was in college, I had moved on to his more thoughtful films.
The Truman Show was a favourite: still funny, but with a philosophical edge that spoke to me at the time.I loved seeing Carrey stretch into more serious roles, and as the internet made it easier to watch interviews, I came to admire him as a person, too.Which is why, when I found out he was doing a TV series called Kidding, I was thrilled.The idea of him playing a troubled children’s TV presenter was irresistible.I started watching as soon as it came out, not knowing that it would trigger a personal turning point.
Around this time, I had started losing my hair.I was in my early 30s, which felt too soon.I thought I might start balding at 50, so I wasn’t mentally prepared.I’d always had thick hair, even wearing it long at university, so when it began to thin, I fought it.I tried combing it over to hide the bald spots, but eventually there was no hiding it.
Every time I looked in the mirror I saw what felt like proof that I was getting old too early.It made me feel less attractive, as though something had been taken away from me.Then one night I sat down to watch Kidding.In the very first episode, Carrey’s character is fighting with his controlling father about the direction of his show.In a moment of frustration, he takes a pair of clippers and drags them from his forehead all the way to the back of his skull, ruining his perfect TV hair.
I burst out laughing – but I also felt something shift inside me.What he did was was an act of liberation, of taking back control.And suddenly I saw my hair loss for what it was: not just a cosmetic issue, but something I’d let control me.I paused the stream, went to the bathroom, grabbed my beard trimmer and did exactly what Carrey had done.One long line straight down the middle.
I looked ridiculous,I laughed for a solid minute, standing there, finally seeing the absurdity of how much energy I’d spent hiding those bald spots,Then I went back to the sofa and finished the episode, still with that stripe across my head,When the credits rolled, I went back and finished the job,Sign up to Inside SaturdayThe only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine.
Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend.after newsletter promotionIt was like a weight had been lifted.The anxiety I’d felt every time I looked in the mirror was gone.I actually thought I looked pretty good.I had a nicely shaped scalp hiding under there! I couldn’t wait to show my friends.
When I met them I wore a winter cap and did a dramatic reveal – every single one of them said I looked better shaved,Even my mother, who had struggled with the idea of her once long-haired son being bald, admitted she liked it,These days, I keep my head shaved most of the time, though occasionally I let it grow a bit,Either way, I’m comfortable with how I look,I still have plenty of insecurities – I think that’s normal – but I no longer feel as though I am ageing before my time.
I know that there is social stigma around men balding, but I try not to let that affect me.I know that for every woman who prefers a man with a full head of hair, there will be someone out there who likes me the way I am.If I ever met Jim Carrey, I would thank him for teaching me to see myself in a lighter, sillier way.Losing my hair felt like something happening to me, something out of my control.But by laughing at it, by shaving it off on my own terms, I turned it into a choice, and that made all the difference.
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