It’s amazing how much damage Kemi can do to herself in five minutes on local radio | John Crace

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It was the sort of day that every politician dreads.One where you can’t not say and do something.The pressure to come up with the right words.The knowledge that even if you do find the right words, they still won’t be enough.Nothing anyone can say can mitigate the horror of the latest antisemitic attacks in north London on Wednesday.

You can promise more money for security,You can proscribe terrorist organisations,You can insist that this is not who we are as a country,But all that must sound hollow to British Jews,They’ve heard all this before and nothing has changed.

In fact, it feels like it’s getting worse,There’s that nagging feeling that just maybe, however abhorrent the idea, this is precisely who we are as a country right now,For the politicians, it is a reminder of their own limitations,That they can’t guarantee the safety of their own citizens,For Kemi Badenoch, there was also another chance to confront her boundaries.

Thursday was her date with the local media round,A series of five-minute interviews on BBC radio stations around the country,It sounds a breeze but it’s anything but,This is far, far tougher than the 8,10am slot on the Today programme.

The radio presenters are serious journalists and they are going to make the most of their opportunity.Four years ago, Liz Truss crashed and burned.On Thursday, Kemi did much the same.Her one hope was that everyone would be too distracted by the events in Golders Green to notice.First up was Radio Leeds with Gayle Lofthouse.

Kemi went into her prepared spiel about wanting a stronger economy and was quickly cut short,If you want all that, said Lofthouse, why have you spent so much time on the Peter Mandelson drama? Our listeners are much more interested in the cost of living,Kemi muttered something about Mandelson being a national security risk,Except she hadn’t mentioned that in her privileges committee stunt,Mandelson had been sacked for lying about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.

That, though, was just the warmup,If Kemi could have called it quits then, she probably would have reckoned not too much harm had been done,But all that was to change with Anna Foster on Radio Newcastle,Anna was not in the mood for small talk,Why was it that Reform and the Greens were contesting more seats in the north-east? Was that not a sign the Tories were no longer a national party?“We are fighting for every seat,” said Kemi.

“The Tories are the only credible party.” Foster didn’t bother to disguise her contempt.What part of the Conservatives not fielding many candidates did Kemi not understand? Badenoch blustered.We only wanted to put up candidates who were serious, she said.By implication that meant most Tories weren’t that serious.

Kemi was dying on her feet.Moving on.Anna reminded Kemi she had been a minister at a time when health and education outcomes in the north were considerably worse than in the south.Why were buses so much more expensive and infrequent in Newcastle? Kemi started talking about buses in Lincolnshire.“But Lincolnshire is nowhere near the north-east,” Foster said, sounding completely bewildered.

She had clearly expected someone with a working knowledge of UK geography.“It is near the north-east,” said Kemi.After all, Lincolnshire was quite a way from London so it might as well be near the north-east.In any case, it was all in the wilderness called “outside the M25”.A nether world where people barely existed.

Anna had another go.How could she put this nicely? Lincolnshire was two and a half hours from Newcastle.Next time, could she speak to someone who wasn’t a halfwit? Thank you and good night.It’s amazing how much damage Kemi could do to herself in five minutes.Radios London and Sussex didn’t go much better.

On Radio London, Eddie Nestor wondered how many councils Kemi expected to win.“100% of them,” Badenoch said confidently.By now she was either prematurely demob happy or was in terminal brain fade.Eddie had to remind her that the Tories only held six councils and were predicted to lose some of them.He also had to let her know she had been part of a Tory government that had repeatedly cut local government spending while in office.

“I wasn’t there,” she insisted,It had been a doppelganger,Sarah Gorrell on Radio Sussex was also in no mood to take prisoners,The Tories had left public services on their knees, she said, and Tory councils had been cutting day centres for dementia patients,Do you think people in the south take you seriously any more? Your polling is dreadful.

Kemi perked up,Everyone loves us,We have all the best ideas,Only we can be trusted,Gorrell yawned.

The time was almost up,“In which case,” she said, “it’s a pity you didn’t do any of these brilliant things while you had the chance,” Silence,Kemi’s minders were giving her a quick dose of Valium,Something to dull the pain.

It turned out Kemi was saving the best for almost last.By best, I mean worst.Obviously.Radio Merseyside’s presenter Tony Snell observed that there were almost no Tory councillors in the area, there were precious few candidates, and that Kemi appeared to have given the place up as a lost cause.“You don’t seem to want me on the show,” Kemi sobbed.

Freudian slip,It was Kemi who didn’t want to be in what she clearly regarded as enemy territory,A place where the people were barely human,Tony was thrilled to have her on the show,A chance to bait and tease a deeply unpopular party leader.

For his own pleasure as well as his audience’s,There will be a huge ratings spike of people listening on playback,The best laugh scousers have had in months,Snell handed Kemi some more rope,People needed more help now.

What could they expect? Badenoch thought for a while.“In nearby Fylde …,” she said.Tony had to interrupt.Fylde is nowhere near Merseyside, he laughed.“You clearly don’t know the area at all.

” Kemi sincerely hoped she would never have to.That just left Ed James on Radio WM.After a bit of banter, Kemi insisted the Tories would be running the West Midlands councils even if they were under no overall control.“That would be amazing,” said James.“Because currently the Conservatives are polling in fourth place.

” What would success next week look like, he added.Kemi refused to be drawn.But success right now would look like lying down in a darkened room and trying to forget the last hour had ever happened.
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