Seth Meyers on Donald Trump’s ‘present’ from Iran: ‘Is the president getting catfished?’
Late-night hosts speculated on Donald Trump’s mystery “present” from Iran, as well as his delusions about a war he claims the US is not in.On Wednesday’s Late Night, Seth Meyers reminded viewers, once again, that Donald Trump “promised no more wars in the Middle East” before his recent military strikes on Iran.“But you guys, good news! It’s not a war,” he joked.Instead, according to Trump, it’s an “excursion” or “a little journey” in Iran.“Stop calling it an excursion!” Meyers exclaimed.
“An excursion is a vacation, which no one can afford because gas is so fucking expensive.Also, an excursion doesn’t last three weeks! An excursion is one week, max.The only people who go on excursions for three weeks are rich kids who claim they’re backpacking through Europe but then post a photo from the Ritz in Barcelona.“Trump can’t tell us what the goal of the war is, or how long it will last, or when it will end,” he added.“One minute he says he’s talking to Iran, the next minute Iran says they’re not talking to Trump.
One breath he’s sending more troops, the next he’s offering a peace deal.One day he’s threatening to obliterate Iran’s power plants, the next he’s saying stuff” about an alleged “present” from the country’s leaders.“They gave us a present, and the present arrived today,” Trump vaguely teased reporters this week.“A very big present worth a tremendous amount of money.”“Seriously, what – and I say this with all due respect – the fuck are you talking about?” Meyers wondered.
“I mean not only will he not tell the us the present they gave him, he doesn’t even seem to be clear on who ‘they’ are,“Who is ‘they’?!” he asked after even more clips of Trump dithering on the gift givers,“What do you mean you don’t know and he’s a ‘top person’ and they ‘seem to be running it’? Is the president getting catfished?”On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host celebrated the win of Democrat Emily Gregory in a special Florida state election which flipped Trump’s Mar-a-Lago district blue for the first time in years,It’s “a real kick in the golf balls for Mar-a-Lardo”, Kimmel said, laughing,“Let’s just say there are a lot of tiny fist-sized holes getting punched in the White House drywall today.
”On Monday, Trump offered his “complete and total endorsement” to Gregory’s Republican opponent, Jon Maples, because “Jon will never let you down!”“And he’s right, he won’t – because he’s back to work as a financial planner.He lost the race,” said Kimmel.“The idea that Trump voted by mail at the same time he tried to ram this ‘save my fat orange ass’ act through Congress right now, which is a bill that would do away with mail-in ballots, has put leaders in the GOP in a bit of a pickle.”Asked about “this latest act of brazen hypocrisy”, Mike Johnson, the Republican speaker of the House, attempted to sidestep.“I think some states have handled mail-in voting well,” he said.
“I think Florida is a good example of that.They don’t allow fraud, they’ve got great systems.That is not true in other parts of the country,” like California.“Listen, I’ve lived in both states,” said Kimmel, “and the only thing Florida does better is get manatees addicted to meth, all right? If you’re looking to buy a hotdog from a woman in a G-string, Florida is the place you want to be.”The host then touched on reports that Pentagon officials provided Trump with daily “sizzle reels” of military strikes in Iran to boost his mood.
“Just step back and think about this: every day, they’re bringing him these fun little action movies of us blowing stuff up,” Kimmel fumed.“Everyone’s telling him how great he’s doing.He’s got four whole cable networks dedicated to kissing his ass 24/7.His staff is terrified to ever bring him any bad news, and he has the memory of a worm at the bottom of a bottle of mezcal.And this is the man in charge of sending our children to war – at least the ones whose dads don’t have a good podiatrist to get them out of it.
“Our own government is making war propaganda videos for the person running the war,” he concluded,“Even Kim Jong-un is like, ‘That’s a bit much!’”And on The Daily Show, Josh Johnson evaluated Trump’s claim that the US had won the war in Iran,Or, as Trump put it: “You know, I don’t like to say this, we’ve won this,This war has been won,”“You don’t like to say you’ve won a war?” said a confused Johnson.
“Isn’t that why you fight a war? Be proud of yourself, Mr President, you ended another war! And this is the one that you started! That’s like double points, you know?”Iran state media, on the other hand, reported that Tehran will not accept a ceasefire and will end the war “when it decides to do so and when its own conditions are met”.“Whoa, you can’t end the war – we ended the war!” Johnson joked.“Are you trying to start another war? ’Cause I’ll fight you, and then I’ll stop fighting you when I feel like it, cause the war is over.You heard the president – we won, we’re bringing the troops home!”Except, actually, for the more than 1,000 additional troops are now headed to the Middle East, joining thousands more already on their way.“Oh shit.
We’re sending more troops? That doesn’t sound like the war is over,” Johnson noted.“This is very confusing.Should I or shouldn’t I go to Times Square in my sailor outfit to kiss random women?”The army also just raised its maximum recruitment age to 42, up from 35, in an effort to draw more recruits.“Oh shit.We’re letting 42-year-olds sign up for the military now? They’re going to have to change the name from Operation Epic Fury to Operation Why Does My Back Hurt?” Johnson quipped.
UK car production falls 17% as industry warns of ‘worrying’ decline
Fewer cars rolled off UK production lines in February in what the industry called an “extremely worrying” slump even before the impact of the Iran war was felt.Vehicle production was 17% lower last month on the same period in 2025, according to the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders, as exports dropped sharply.A further decline is expected in March, after the war sent global energy prices soaring and further dented consumer demand, a double blow for carmakers.Mike Hawes, chief executive of the SMMT, said: “Another decline for UK vehicle production and exports is extremely worrying, given these figures pre-date the crisis in the Middle East. While the sector has made efforts to build resilience into its logistics and supply chains post-Covid, the conflict adds further strain
Almost half a million Lloyds customers had personal data exposed in IT glitch
Lloyds Banking Group exposed the personal data of nearly 500,000 customers in an IT glitch that left people’s payments, account details and national insurance numbers visible to other users, a committee of MPs has revealed.A letter from Lloyds, published by MPs on the Treasury select committee on Friday, blamed the glitch on a software defect introduced during an IT update to its Lloyds, Halifax and Bank of Scotland mobile banking apps overnight into 12 March.The bank explained that customers would have had to be looking at their app within “small fractions of a second” of other users in order to access their details.However, it still meant up to 447,936 customers were potentially able to view private information of other users, with Lloyds adding that about 114,182 people ended up clicking into transactions that revealed account details, national insurance numbers or payment references.Even people who were not Lloyds Banking Group customers may have had their transaction details exposed, the bank said
Five firms including Autotrader and Just Eat investigated over fake review failings
The UK competition watchdog has launched investigations into five companies including Autotrader and Just Eat over concerns they have not done enough to tackle fake and misleading online reviews.The Competition and Markets Authority (CMA), which has previously investigated the tech companies Amazon and Google, said its latest crackdown includes the funeral services operator Dignity, the review company Feefo and the restaurant chain Pasta Evangelists.The CMA said that in the case of Autotrader and Feefo it was looking at whether a number of one-star reviews, moderated by Feefo, were excluded from being published on the car-selling platform and therefore did not give consumers a full picture of other customers’ experiences.The Dignity investigation focuses on whether staff were asked to write positive reviews about the company’s cremation services.Just Eat, the food delivery company, is being investigated over concerns that its system “inflated certain restaurants’ and grocers’ star ratings”
US markets see biggest slump since start of US-Israel war on Iran
US markets saw their biggest slump since the start of the US-Israel war with Iran on Thursday as Donald Trump said the conflict’s impact on oil prices had not been as bad as he expected.The Dow closed 450 points down, while the S&P 500 dipped 1.7%. The tech-heavy Nasdaq fell 2.3%, plunging into correction territory, which happens when an index falls at least 10% below its most recent peak
The Middle East price shock hasn’t hit Next – yet | Nils Pratley
In the context of Next, which has just reported full-year pre-tax profits of £1.16bn, an estimated £15m of extra fuel and air freight costs arising from the Middle East conflict is tiny. The sum, which in any case assumes disruption lasts three months, can be lost in the wash, or more precisely “offset by savings elsewhere”.The chief executive, Simon Wolfson, a boss who tends to err on the side of caution when guiding on profits, saw no reason not to add £8m to this year’s number as a mechanical read-through from last year’s outcome. If there wasn’t a war on, one can assume there would have been a proper profit upgrade
NS&I chief executive replaced in ‘fresh start’ over missing savings crisis; bad day for markets – as it happened
The boss of National Savings and Investments appears to have been dismissed over the £476m savings scandal at the bank.Pensions minister Torsten Bell has told MPs that he has appointed Sir Jim Harra, a senior civil servant, to take over as the chief executive of NS&I on an interim basis, replacing Dax Harkins.Bell says Harra, a former first permanent secretary at HMRC, will provide “a fresh start for NS&I”, following its failure to trace missing savings belonging to customers who have died.Updating MPs on the crisis over deceased customers’ savings, Bell says he wants to make sure NS&I has “the very best leadership” in place.Bell tells MPs: double quotation markSir Jim will undertake a review over the next three months to spell out in detail the background to this tracing problem and to set out what lessons must be learned for NSI going forward
More than 6m vapes and pods discarded weekly in UK despite single-use ban, study finds
UK government must urgently apologise for forced adoption, MPs say
NHS bosses say resident doctors’ strike will cause ‘maximum harm’
Spanish woman who won legal battle for right to euthanasia has assisted death
London has England’s highest levels of child poverty, data shows
Man who murdered pregnant girlfriend has 42-year term increased to whole-life order