Comedians pick on me for my loud laugh – but nothing will make me stop | Jane Howard

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I thought Daniel Kitson was just about ready to kick me out of the comedy room,He had already picked on me several times for laughing too loud, too readily (“that wasn’t even a joke”, he chastised me at one point),I was trying hard to suppress my laughter – to hold it in, to hold it back, to not fully express the joy I was feeling,I was being somewhat successful,And then I wasn’t.

Everyone in the audience was laughing – but I was laughing too much.Then Kitson looked at me, and asked me to laugh “10% less” – I was ruining it for the rest of the audience, he said.Bring it down 10% and give everyone else a chance.My face turned red, I shrunk in my seat, and I tried my hardest – really, I did – to not laugh so loud.But still, I had to laugh at the request.

Comedians are always singling me out.Barely a show goes by when they don’t make a comment on the person with the biggest laugh.It’s worse in a small tent, where they can see every face in the audience and know exactly who that woman is who is laughing so deeply, so loudly.Who laughs at all of the jokes everyone else is laughing at – but who also finds every other small thing so funny she laughs at those as well.In Scout Boxall’s God’s Favourite – a comedy show about the time they found themselves without their bipolar medication – they make a quip about someone offering them St John’s wort.

My laugh was explosive.“Some of my jokes are like a machine gun, taking out everyone,” they said.“Sometimes they are a sniper rifle – just picking out the one person.” They looked at me.It is the part of myself I am most frequently embarrassed by – I try to hold my breath to suppress the laughter; I shrink down in my seat.

But it is also the part of myself I love the most,It is, paradoxically, me at my least self-conscious: it is so overwhelming that all I can do is give over to it,It is the part of me that my friends tell me they love the most too,If we are seeing a show separately, they tell me that they could pick out my seat from my laugh; if we’re seated together, they laugh at me and with me,Many strangers, I’m sure, find me obnoxious.

But I’ve equally had strangers come up to me, gleeful about how freely I expressed my joy,At the Melbourne Recital Centre, seeing Taylor Mac, one older woman who was clearly no fan of their queer brilliance leaned over to me as she walked out,“I don’t like the show – but your laugh is wonderful,” she said,(We stole the half-drunk bottle of wine off her table,)In Michelle Brasier’s Average Bear, after she sings “Your lasagne won’t make up for my dead dad”, she invites the audience to turn to the person who was laughing the loudest and say “sorry for your loss”.

Multiple audience members turned directly to me – both times I saw the show,I have always been a person who felt and expressed emotions deeply,I cry when reading, at the cinema, watching silly little videos on TikTok,Many a friend has held my hand while I choked back sobs, in life and in the theatre,I am so often scared of my big emotional sadness; but how wonderful it is that laughter and joy is just as close to the surface.

As comedy season ramps up again across Australia, I know comedians will pick on me again.Some will embrace me, some will be annoyed by me – almost all of them will notice me.And nothing will make me stop.
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Cocktails and crepes in bed? Ravinder Bhogal’s recipes for Valentine’s Day breakfast

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Frothing over: the coffee foams and ‘indulgent’ drinks keeping Australian cafes afloat

Cold brews and matcha lattes with airy, dessert-like layers are everywhere. What’s driving the trend for blockbuster toppings?Get our weekend culture and lifestyle emailCoffee brimming with lemon myrtle cream. Matcha banked with strawberry-lychee foam. Cold brew with choc-orange froth thick enough to stuff a pillow. Every caffeinated drink I’ve ordered in Sydney recently has the appearance of a generously frosted cake

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Moroccan lamb filo pie and rhubarb panna cotta: Thomasina Miers’ Sunday best recipes

There is little as pleasing to cook in the depths of the winter as a pot of enticingly fragrant, slow-braised meat. A shoulder of lamb is one of my favourite cuts; you, or a friendly butcher, will need to trim away its excess fat, a job that will reward you with an exquisite flavour that marries beautifully with bold spicing. Here, we travel to Morocco, with sweetly aromatic ginger, turmeric and cinnamon, and follow that with cardamom, cream and rhubarb for pudding. A sumptuous, colourful feast to stave off any February blues.Many elements of this dish, with its falling apart, richly seasoned lamb and carrots encased in crisp, golden pastry, can be made the day before

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Georgina Hayden’s quick and easy recipe for creamy chicken and mustard fricassee | Quick and easy

This is a one-pan dinner at its finest: elegant and full of flavour, something that feels as if it has taken more effort and time than it actually has, and versatile in its finish – serve with creamy mash, fluffy rice, boiled potatoes; even hunks of fresh baguette would be wonderful for mopping up the creamy mustard sauce. I use whatever veg is in season: purple sprouting broccoli is at its best right now, but you could add stalks of rainbow chard, shredded cavolo nero, even halved baby carrots. Play around with whatever veg you have and love.If you can’t find mustard powder, feel free to use your mustard of choice – wholegrain would work well here.Prep 5 min Cook 30 min Serves 44 skin-on chicken breasts (about 160g each)Sea salt and black pepper 2 tsp English mustard powder 1 tbsp olive oil 200g purple sprouting broccoli 30g unsalted butter 4 garlic cloves, peeled and finely sliced1 tsp dried oregano 1 tsp aleppo pepper 2½ tbsp plain flour 125ml dry white wine 500ml chicken stock 200ml single creamPut the chicken breasts on a deep plate and season generously