Seth Meyers on Kash Patel: ‘He has resting “run for your lives” face’
Late-night hosts dug into the allegations of FBI director Kash Patel’s excessive drinking, Donald Trump’s Iran war struggles and some questionable math by RFK Jr,On Wednesday evening, Seth Meyers relished more details from a shocking Atlantic report from this weekend detailing alleged excessive drinking and erratic behavior by the FBI director, Kash Patel,According to more than two dozen current and former FBI officials, Patel was known to drink to the point of obvious intoxication, and many people expected him to be fired for his unreachability and impulsivity,“Generally speaking, you don’t want to hear that the country’s top law enforcement official is known for having freak-outs, you know?” the Late Night host said,“When you’re the head of the FBI, you’re supposed to be calm and level-headed.
No one wants to tune into a press conference about a potential threat to the homeland and hear a guy who looks like this” – Meyers cut to a photo of Patel’s intense, slightly cross-eyed stare – “scream ‘everyone run for your lives!’“And he always looks like that.He has resting ‘run for your lives’ face,” he quipped.But the “most embarrassing” detail amid a string of embarrassing details, according to Meyers, was that a few weeks ago, when Patel struggled to log on to an internal system, he panicked and began to frantically call aides to tell them he had been fired by the White House.“So he freaked out and told everyone he was fired, but it turned out it was just a technical glitch,” Meyers laughed.“In fact, one FBI official said of Patel’s freak-out, ‘It was all ultimately bullshit.
’ And I, for one, think that would make a great title for the first history textbook about the Trump era.”Patel has pushed back on the claims by suing the Atlantic for $250m and denying everything at a press conference, where he asked the audience how many people in the room believed the allegations were true.“I do!” Meyers answered enthusiastically.“I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.I do! I mean, I don’t know for sure if it’s true, but I definitely believe it’s possible.
We saw you crushing beers in the locker room after the men’s Olympic hockey team won gold.That definitely looks like a guy who might not remember his password the next day.“I can definitely imagine you sitting down at your computer drunkenly crying because you can’t log in,” Meyers continued.“‘Why won’t the beach ball stop spinning?!’”In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel also mocked Patel for “getting hammered this week over a report that he gets hammered on the job.”Patel denied all the claims “not just categorically but maniacally” by suing the Atlantic for $250m.
The magazine has vowed to “vigorously” defend its reporting, which “makes it sound like Patel was blacked-out more than the president’s name in the Trump-Epstein files”, Kimmel quipped.The host then turned to another embattled Trump official: the health and human services secretary, Robert F Kennedy Jr, who appeared at a congressional hearing on Wednesday, where Senator Elizabeth Warren “cut him like a raccoon penis” over Trump’s nonsensical claims about lowering prescription drug prices.“He claims that TrumpRx has reduced prices by as much as 600%,” Warren said.“Six hundred per cent, which I think means companies should be paying you to take their drugs.”Kennedy responded: “President Trump has a different way of calculating … If you have a $600 drug and you reduce it to 10, that’s a 600% reduction.
“Kimmel had choice words for Kennedy’s rationalization: “Who are you going to believe, [Trump] or math? Have you ever bankrupted a casino? I don’t think so.“The actual math is 98%, not 600%, but let’s not get caught up in semantics,” he continued.“Let’s just be quiet and listen to Robert Kennedy breathe.”The host then played another clip from the hearing, in which Kennedy’s rattling breath could be heard throughout the room.“You understand, our secretary of health is dying before our eyes,” Kimmel said.
“And no one is doing anything about it,”And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on Iran after Trump’s announcement on Tuesday indefinitely extending a ceasefire that had been set to expire within hours,“You know what? I’m beginning to think this war might not be over by Memorial Day,Which reminds me … ,” the host said, jokingly shipping a box of “Iran War Jokes” to Jimmy Kimmel, who would still be airing after The Late Show’s final taping next month,But back to Iran: soon after Trump’s announcement, Iran seized two ships from the strait of Hormuz.
The captured ships were the cargo vessels MSC-Francesca and the Epaminondas, “which is actually how I pronounce empanadas after a night of drinking”, Colbert joked.According to one Iranian official, “Trump’s ceasefire extension means nothing,” because “the losing side cannot dictate terms.”Said Colbert: “Hey buddy, we’re America – we don’t lose wars! We just leave them.”Trump “was not happy about Iran giving him the Middle East finger”, he continued, so late on Tuesday night, the president posted on Truth Social that “they only say they want it closed because I have it totally BLOCKADED (CLOSED!), so they merely want to ‘save face.’”“Sounds like someone just learned what the word ‘blockaded’ means,” Colbert said.
According to numerous reports, Trump wants out of his increasingly unpopular war,And in response to sinking poll numbers, he posted on Truth Social a New York Times report praising the ratings for The Apprentice … from April 2004,“Always a tipoff that life isn’t going great for you when you start to brag about something from 22 years ago,” said Colbert, imagining a similar scenario: “You kids think that Dad’s a loser! Well I’ll have you know that back in high school, I once won two free tickets to see the Spin Doctors in Anaheim at the Grove,”
‘Silent assassin’ Sabastian Sawe targets world record with supershoe in London Marathon
They call Sabastian Sawe the silent assassin. And, whisper it, but the Kenyan may just take down the men’s world marathon record in London on Sunday.It is an imposing target, set by Kelvin Kiptum in 2023, which stands at two hours and 35 seconds. But Sawe believes he is in similar shape to when he went for the world record in Berlin last September, only to be thwarted by temperatures in the mid-20s centigrade.Intriguingly, this time he also comes armed with Adidas’s new Pro Evo 3 supershoe, which weighs in at an astonishingly light 96 grams, and he says is even faster than its predecessor
Expect divine rugby and more epic drama when Northampton and Bath meet again
Was this the greatest game ever played, people were asking in the aftermath of that quarter-final of the Champions Cup a fortnight ago in Bath. Victory by the odd try in 11; home team roared on to successful comeback victory with that 11th try in the last five minutes; Northampton, the away team, 28-7 up after barely 20 minutes, playing rugby of the gods.A personal opinion is that it certainly was the greatest game ever played … this month. Without wanting to prick any bubbles of enthusiasm that may have swelled in the moments after the latest epic, yes, the match was incredible – and if it had happened in the amateur era would have been consecrated as legend long ago – but have we already forgotten France v England not even a month earlier? What about Scotland v France a week before that? We could go on.These are special times to be watching rugby
Paige Shiver says ex-Michigan coach Moore ‘controlled’ her, reveals she was pregnant
Paige Shiver said former University of Michigan football coach Sherrone Moore “had complete control over me” and characterized their relationship as an “open secret” in the school’s athletic department in an interview that aired Friday on ABC’s Good Morning America, her first public appearance since Moore’s high-profile firing and sentencing.Shiver, 32, said Moore controlled “my emotions, my career … and he knew that, and he used it against me”. She also said she became pregnant with Moore’s child during their relationship but was advised by doctors to have an abortion to avoid complications from a rare disorder.Shiver, who began as an intern at Michigan and later became Moore’s executive assistant, spoke publicly for the first time since the case that led to Moore’s dismissal in December and his sentencing this month. Moore, then 39, was fired for what the university said was an “inappropriate relationship with a staff member”, then arrested shortly after following an altercation at Shiver’s apartment
NFL draft 2026 takeaways: Rams reach, Cowboys retool and Jets add juice
The win-now Rams shocked by picking a QB and the Cowboys addressed their disastrous defense as a faster-paced first round reshaped the NFL draft’s opening nightThe Rams delivered the biggest shock of the night, sticking at pick No 13 and selecting Alabama quarterback Ty Simpson. It was a stunner that seemed to take even their head coach by surprise. Sean McVay seemed less than enthusiastic at the Rams’ post-pick press conference, and Simpson said in an interview that he’s never met McVay.Maybe it shouldn’t have been a shock. Simpson, who started just 15 games in college, hemmed and hawed about whether to enter the draft at all
England’s Millie David: ‘Ellie Kildunne is so nice. The first time I met her I cried’
New wing star, nicknamed Millie Whizz, is about to make her Red Roses debut alongside one of her heroesMillie David was almost speechless when the England head coach, John Mitchell, called to say she would start for the Red Roses against Wales. All the wing could get out was “thank you so much” over and over, despite having more she wanted to say. On Saturday, the 20-year-old will realise her England dream at a sold-out Ashton Gate, the home ground of her club, Bristol Bears.The first thing David did after the call was jump in her car to tell her No 1 fan, her dad. “Bless him, he started crying straight away,” she says
Alcaraz must heed injury wake-up call as absence leaves hole in clay-court season | Tumaini Carayol
Carlos Alcaraz’s title defence at the Monte Carlo Masters ended two Sundays ago in an intense two-set final loss to his arch-rival Jannik Sinner. While some players would have been desperate for a break after a gruelling week, Alcaraz had other plans. Less than 24 hours later, he landed back home in Spain to compete at the Barcelona ATP 500 event, immediately undertaking promotional duties. A few hours after his first practice, the following day, Alcaraz walked on to Pista Rafa Nadal for his opening match.By the next day Alcaraz was out
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