England must avoid Perth 2025 becoming the new Adelaide 2006 | Ali Martin
Stuart Broad was a highly meme-able cricketer and it turns out that talent now extends into commentary,As Joe Root chopped Mitchell Starc on to his stumps during England’s subsidence on Saturday afternoon, Broad summed up the mood of a nation without uttering so much as a word,In a clip that has since gone viral, Broad is in the Channel 7 box with his eyes shut, arms folded, letting out an exasperated sigh; the kind of internal “FFS” triggered by a toddler doing the very thing they were just warned against,Watching from the far end as two teammates fall to expansive drives on a bouncy, nippy surface, only to attempt a repeat against Starc, is a bit like pulling on the cat’s tail,Root did it anyway.
If they have not done so already, it may be time for England’s players to delete the social media apps on their phones.Shutting out the noise has been one of the tenets of Brendon McCullum’s tenure as head coach and, given the opportunity squandered, there is plenty of it around.Understandably so.Perth really was an all-time howler of a collapse that will now test England’s resolve like no other tour.No Pat Cummins and no Josh Hazlewood, Usman Khawaja a passenger with back spasms and Nathan Lyon labouring in the field – never has there been a better chance to go 1-0 up.
One wicket down and leading by 105 just after lunch on day two, England’s middle order batted like just a few finishing touches were required.Looking to score is their default and a good one, too.But after Scott Boland prised open an end, the loose drives from Ollie Pope, Harry Brook and Root en route to losing nine for 99 were not the shots of three senior players.As for Zak Crawley, the early pair at the hands of Starc sent thoughts back to that ordeal against Matt Henry in New Zealand 12 months ago and a duel lost six times out six.Not that England are going to stop sticking coins in this particular slot machine.
In terms of a body blow that risks derailing the entire tour, the challenge now is to prevent Perth becoming their Adelaide 2006, when Shane Warne flipped the script of a Test seemingly destined for a draw and a whitewash ensued,If Ben Stokes can lead a turnaround series win from here, he really will be England’s greatest-ever captain; McCullum the ultimate horse whisperer,Moving on will not be straightforward,Players tend not to stray from the hotels on the subcontinent but in Australia they like to get out and about,Warm and welcoming though it is, there will be plenty of side-mouthed wisecracks, be they about that ruinous third innings, Starc’s early successes, or Travis Head’s already fabled 69-ball century.
The voices aghast at England’s plan to ignore the two-day match against the Prime Minister’s XI in Canberra next weekend are surely worth heeding.In a plan made weeks ago, Andrew Flintoff’s Lions will fulfil the fixture and, unless there is a late swerve from McCullum, the day-night second Test in Brisbane will be attempted without an in-game refresher course on the vagaries of the pink Kookaburra ball.The match at Manuka Oval is a big deal, with Cricket Australia miffed at the expected snub given what it means for their governmental relations.This is not England’s problem per se but the match sits inside what has become an 11-day gap and unlike the chief reason for the decline of tour games – low-quality opposition – the team are better than the clubbies of the past.There are three Test batters in Peter Handscomb, Sam Konstas and Nathan McSweeney, while Campbell Kellaway is tipped as a future Baggy Green.
That said, an otherwise young attack led by Peter Siddle – 41 on Tuesday – will not replicate Starc’s pink-ball wizardry.The pitch is also known to be a pudding that, like the warm-up at Lilac Hill, will not have the bounce of the Gabba.Either way, for a team that have played so little day-night cricket since it was introduced 10 years ago – seven Tests to Australia’s 14 – the time spent adjusting eyes to that tricky twilight period, be it at the crease or in the field, surely still offers them some benefit.Sign up to The SpinSubscribe to our cricket newsletter for our writers' thoughts on the biggest stories and a review of the week’s actionafter newsletter promotionFine if England do not want to risk their quicks, but for a team that preach positivity it sounds as if they are only considering the downside.McCullum said the case against sending even a handful of batters was to “make sure that camaraderie is tight and morale doesn’t drop”.
If three or four splitting off really affects this, you have to wonder how tight they actually are.If this all sounds a bit grumpy, then it is worth saying the nature of the pink ball does offer a route back, even if you may have heard this before about England.Despite shoulders dropping as Head stuck the 205-run target in a blender, the attack did put the frighteners up Australia on day one.But unless there is some honest reflection during this yawning gap and lessons are learned, the memes and the wisecracks will only continue.
Goblets of borscht, turkey-shaped madeleines: why Martha Stewart’s fantastical menus are still an inspiration
The celebrations were imminent and the greenhouse ready to accommodate – among the orchids, in unseasonable November warmth – an intimate Hawaiian luau. The table was set with giant clam shells for serving vessels and miniature hibachis for grilling Dungeness crab. Somebody had found a small, pink pineapple and secured it on the watermelon like a brooch. The hostess considered the merits of a hula dancer, but in the end settled on a more succinct spectacle: a 19lb suckling pig, enwreathed with sub-tropical flowers and caparisoned in bronze.It was, and could only ever have been, a Martha Stewart affair
Winter has finally kicked in – it’s time to crack out the casserole dish and get stewing
At the risk of sounding like a British cliche, can we take a moment to discuss the change in the weather? This week’s sudden drop in temperature has our house excited for potential snow (the children are giddy), with everything suddenly feeling a lot more wintry. New coats are on the hooks, thermals are being dug out and a casserole dish filled with some sort of soup, stew or stock seems to be permanently ticking away on the hob. These range from quick, warming weeknight dinners to leisurely, slow-cooked weekend meals.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link
Helen Goh’s recipe for cranberry, orange and ginger upside-down cake | The sweet spot
Bright, tart cranberries are one of the most vivid flavours of the Thanksgiving table, but they often play a supporting role to turkey and stuffing. Here, however, they take centre stage in a sparkling upside-down cake, and their ruby tones gleam over a tender, orange-scented crumb. The batter is enriched with soured cream, ensuring every bite is a balance of sweet, sharp and soft.A note about the cranberries: if using frozen, do not defrost them first.Prep 10 min Cook 1 hr 15 min, plus cooling Serves 8-10For the cranberry caramel base 60g unsalted butter 100g light brown sugar 1 tbsp fresh orange juice2 tsp finely grated ginger⅛ tsp flaky sea salt250g fresh or frozen cranberriesFor the cake batter150g plain flour 1 tsp baking powder ¼ tsp bicarbonate of soda ¼ tsp fine sea salt 120g unsalted butter, at room temperature, plus extra for greasing150g caster sugar Finely grated zest of 1 orange 2 large eggs 2 tsp vanilla extract 120g full-fat soured creamGrease a 20cm round cake tin (at least 5cm deep, and not springform), then line the base and sides with baking paper
Why nonalcoholic spirits go from strength to strength
It’s time to start thinking about the C word. You might well already have plans to stock up for house guests who are drinking, but what about those who aren’t? It’s a good opportunity to think about how we might jazz up our non-alcoholic offering for friends and family who are trying to drink less, or not drinking booze at all. Sometimes, your friend will just want a Fanta, but I don’t like being the one to offer it to them. We can do better than that.The Guardian’s journalism is independent
Tell us about a recipe that has stood the test of time
Recipes carry stories, and often when they have been passed down from generation to generation, these tales have a chapter added to them each time they are made. Family members concoct elaborate treats and seasoning mixes, which in some cases travel across oceans to end up on our dinner tables.We would like to hear about the recipes that have stood the test of time for you, and never fail to impress. Who first made it for you? Did you stick to the recipe that was passed down or have you improvised? What are the stories you associate with your favourite family recipe?Let us know and we will feature some of the best in Feast.Tell us about the recipe that has been handed down through generations in the form below
Alice Zaslavsky’s recipe for garlic red peppers with a creamy white bean dip, AKA papula
This week, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on an interview I recorded with legendary Australian cheesemaker Richard Thomas, the inventor of an ingredient you may not even realise is Australian: marinated feta, AKA “Persian fetta”. An unexpected stop on a trip to Iran in the 1970s gifted Thomas a chance meeting with a Persian doctor and his breakfast: fresh labneh with soft, still-warm lavash. It was a revelation. On his return, Thomas got to work creating a fresh cheese from goat’s milk (similar to chèvre) and from cow’s milk, marinated and preserved in oil, with an extra “t” to avert confusion with the Greek-style feta, that’s still being utilised by cooks and chefs right across the world.Persian fetta is a shapeshifter, capable of remaining both firm and steadfast when crumbled across the top of a platter or salad, and of yielding to a soft, velvety cream, enhancing all manner of dishes from pasta to pesto to whipped dips and schmears – and, of course, as a topping for that Aussie cafe staple, avocado toast
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