Seth Meyers on Pete Hegseth: ‘The face of a man war-fighting with his colon’

A picture


Late-night hosts dug into the Trump administration’s vague intentions for the war in Iran, the conflict’s oil-price effect and a Maga rally in Kentucky with Jake Paul.On Late Night, Seth Meyers checked in on Donald Trump’s now two-week-old war in Iran.“The president is maybe sort of threatening/teasing that he might put boots on the ground in Iran? But Republicans can’t seem to agree on whether they support that idea, or for how long, or why,” he explained.The confusion comes from the top: Pete Hegseth, the “defense secretary/morning show host/fifth-year senior who just found out that yeah, he’s gonna need to do a sixth year” who made a big deal about turning the defense department into “the department of war” and “refocusing on the core mission: war fighting”.“And before we go any further: was there a problem with the term ‘warfare’?” Meyers wondered.

“Did we need ‘war-fighting’? It’s just a weirder way to say the same thing.It’s like asking someone if they want to go out to dinner-eating.”“Modern Warfare was a popular video game.Modern War-Fighting is a janky board game your nana gets you because she sucks at listening.”Though Hegseth promised to cut wasteful spending and focus on war, his department apparently spent $15.

1m on ribeye steak and another $6.9m on lobster tail in the month of September alone.“No wonder Hegseth always looks miserable – he’s 24/7 meat-constipated,” Meyers laughed.“That’s the face of a man war-fighting with his colon.”“Also, it’s a real contradiction here telling us how tough you are, but now I can only picture you wearing a bib,” he added.

“Hegseth claimed his focus was going to be on ‘war-fighting’ and ‘lethality’ but it sure seems like his actual priorities are very different,” as the department also spent billions on IT support for cable TV throughout the Pentagon and hundreds of thousands of dollars on a grand piano, among other luxury instruments,“So the Pentagon seems a lot more focused on fancy meals and high-end instruments than laying out concrete goals for the war in Iran, which might explain why no one seems to know what we’re actually doing there,” Meyers noted, referring to numerous reports that behind closed doors the president has expressed interest in sending US troops into Iran,“If you’re going to do something as serious as send troops into war, you should be able to explain why,” he concluded,“But they can’t! And Americans are angry,”On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert looked at reports that Iran is laying mines in the strait of Hormuz, through which 20% of the world’s oil supply travel.

“Oh no, that’s truly going to make it a dire strait,” he quipped.Iran has also covered the strait with shore-based missiles and explosive-laden boats.Ten vessels have been attacked since the fighting began, and on Tuesday evening, three more were hit with projectiles.“The strait of Hormuz is now the most unsafe place to be on a boat, narrowly surpassing ‘with your recently divorced uncle who wants to see what this baby can do’,” Colbert joked.“There’s no end in sight, either,” as earlier this week, Iran said that until the US and Israel end their attacks, it will not allow “even one liter of oil” to leave the region.

“Ok, but liters are meaningless to Americans,” said Colbert,“We need it in our system of measurement, like ‘gallon’ or ‘gulp’” or, for some gas station beverages, “double gulp”,The conflict is causing “complete chaos” in the oil market, with prices for gas on a steep rise,Just two weeks ago, the average price per gallon of gas was $2,98; on Wednesday, it was $3.

58, and Trump is “scrambling to minimize the political damage,” Colbert noted.Earlier this week, he posted on Truth Social that “short term oil price, which will drop rapidly when the destruction of the Iran nuclear threat is over, is a very small price to pay for USA, and World, Safety and Peace.”“Easy for him to say – he doesn’t pay for his own gas.That’s anyone who stands behind him,” Colbert joked.The weekend’s oil price spike caught the White House off-guard and, according to one insider, “surprised” the administration.

“Really?! You were ‘surprised’ that bombing the place the oil comes from makes the oil cost more?” said a flustered Colbert, who compared the surprise to saying: “Huh, I thought burning down the Ann Taylor Loft would lead to more sensible workplace separates.”And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel observed that the mood around this weekend’s Oscars is “a little bit tense this year”, after the FBI warned local law enforcement that Iran hoped to launch a drone strike on the west coast.“Isn’t this how Iron Man 3 started? The movie?” said Kimmel.“We can’t handle a drone strike.We barely survived the writers’ strike here.

”“I hope these Iranians realize, Donald Trump wants you to bomb us,” he added.“For him, that would be a win-win.He might even bomb us himself and blame it on you.Just keep that in mind.”“Somehow we are in an even bigger mess than we were last month, and the month before that,” he later said.

“Our president is a disaster, and everyone around him is too scared to bring that up.I mean, we have credible threats of retaliatory drone attacks on California, and this guy today is in Kentucky reminiscing about the way Obama went down the stairs.”That, and inviting social media personality/troll Jake Paul on to the stage.During the rally, Paul said that the thing he learned from Trump was “courage” and how “we never back down from a fight”.“I wonder if Jake knows that Trump got a note from his podiatrist to dodge the draft,” Kimmel laughed.

“Do you think maybe he kept that a wonderful secret from Jake?”
A picture

‘Highly problematic behavior’: Noma residency in LA starts with PR crisis

It was always going to be an indulgence for René Redzepi, the Danish-Albanian chef of Noma fame, to bring his exacting, innovative vision of haute cuisine to Los Angeles and spend several weeks tickling the palates of well-heeled diners at a hilltop estate once dubbed “the most beautiful home in Hollywood”.The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more.The timing has certainly been unfortunate, since the US is now fighting a destabilizing war in the Middle East and food prices are climbing so steeply that many ordinary Americans can no longer afford to eat at McDonald’s, much less contemplate the counterintuitive delights of tacinga cactus, bougainvillea petals, mealworms and giant tuna eyes

A picture

Before sunrise: while Sydney sleeps, suhoor meals attract a lively social scene during Ramadan

Suhoor – the pre-dawn meal – is typically shared at home. But in Sydney customers also queue outside food trucks, restaurants and cafes with extended trading hoursIt’s just after midnight in an industrial courtyard in Auburn in Sydney’s west and a glow of string lights and the constant sizzle of a grill signal one of Ramadan’s newest late-night rituals. A food truck specialising in halal steak sandwiches has attracted a small crowd and a queue begins to form.The rest of the city is largely asleep but here the courtyard hums with life as young Muslims arrive in waves after evening taraweeh prayers, chatting and checking their phones as the clock edges closer to suhoor – the pre-dawn meal eaten during Ramadan before the day’s fast begins.Inside The Meat Up, a Lebanese husband-and-wife duo move quickly over the grill

A picture

How to use up limp herbs in a flavoured butter – recipe | Waste not

Compound butter is simply butter that’s been mixed with flavourings, both sweet and savoury, and is a tasty and easy way to give a small bunch of tired herbs new life. It can be melted over vegetables, stirred through pasta, grains or pulses, basted over meat or fish, spread on toast, or frozen in slices to use a little at a time. Think of this less as a recipe and more as a framework: taste as you go and decide whether you want something bold and explosive or a more gentle experience.Long before the TikTok revival, compound butter was something most home cooks admired on restaurant plates rather than made themselves. But it’s a really simple way to save a few tired herbs and give a meal a welcome boost, adding both serious flavour and visual impact

A picture

Chicken wings and soup: Helen Graves’ spring onion recipes

March is a tricky pin in the seasonal calendar, with energising winter citrus fading and spring’s stars yet to emerge. It’s a time when I find pleasure in reappraising ingredients that are routinely overlooked. Spring onions, say, which are often considered a garnish, but which are good for so much more. Their contrasting colourway is a clue to their varying intensity, with the white roots holding pungency and the greens more akin to especially bolshie chives. Today’s recipes harness the properties of both, bridging the gap between the current need for comfort and the warmer weather ahead

A picture

Chefs the world over strive for a perfect score from Rate My Chives. Could I achieve one at home?

My goal: a perfect 10 from Rate My Chives, the ‘number one authority on chives worldwide’. Why is this so hard?Get our weekend culture and lifestyle emailChopping chives, I notice my weak wrists for the first time. My knife is connected to my hand which is connected to my wrist, which is flopping about like an overcooked piece of asparagus.“You’ve got to keep them more sturdy,” says chef Trisha Greentree. “Lock in that line

A picture

What’s the secret to crisp-skinned fish? | Kitchen aide

When I fry fish, the skin never goes crisp, and instead either sticks, rips or goes limp. What am I doing wrong?Emily, by email “The secret to perfectly crisp fish skin is heat,” says Mitch Tonks, founder of Rockfish in south-west England. Well, heat plus a little bit of prep. Fish are, of course, moist things, and moisture is the enemy in the quest for that golden-brown crust, so the first thing Emily is going to need to do is dry that skin out. “If the fish has any moisture on it, it will create steam while it’s being cooked, which, in turn, will make the skin go soggy and inedible, rather than crisp and delicious,” says British fish guru Nathan Outlaw, whose latest book, On Fish: A Seafood Handbook, is published next month