Seth Meyers on Team Trump’s Iran threats: ‘These guys speak like they’ve been hit on the head’

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On Thursday night, late-night hosts remarked on the Jeffrey Epstein investigations, the threat of a US attack on Iran and Donald Trump nominating a wellness influencer as the next US surgeon general,Meyers focused on the president’s criticisms of a landmark 2015 deal between Iran and world powers in which the country agreed to curb their nuclear program,“I’ve been making lots of wonderful deals, great deals,” Trump said,“That’s what I do,Never in my life have I seen any transaction so incompetently negotiated as our deal with Iran.

”Meyers took the opportunity to factcheck this.“Your companies went bankrupt six times,” he remarked, before listing Trump’s failed business ventures, including Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Steaks, Trump Vitamins and Trump: The Game, a Trumpified version of Monopoly.“Seriously, can you imagine sitting at home and playing this with your family?” asked the host.“‘Oh, looks like I landed on Community Chest.’ It says: ‘Uh oh, you slept with a pornstar! Pay $130,000.

’”Meyers went on to discuss the inefficacy of US strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities in June 2025 as part of “Operation Midnight Hammer”, which reportedly only set the country’s nuclear efforts back half a year.“All that for six months?” the host reacted.“Are you sure it wasn’t ‘Operation Midnight Love Tap’?”In response to questions around the attacks, Republicans sent out one of whom Meyers sarcastically called “one of their top notch communicators”, Markwayne Mullin, a US senator from Oklahoma.Responding to a CNN host who asked why further attacks on Iran have been necessary if the nuclear program was obliterated, Mullin responded: “People have car accidents and obliterate their bones and their legs, and yet, you know, they can still put metal back in ‘em and walk again.”“Nothing is a bigger bummer when someone throws a ‘you know’ into a sentence and you have no idea what they’re talking about,” said Meyers.

“In your life, have you hear anyone say that they obliterated their bones and had metal put in so they could walk again?”“Where does that leave us?” asked Meyers,“We have to bomb them once a year forever, shall we add it to the list? ‘Remember, every February we gotta change the batteries in the smoke detectors, get the tires rotated and bomb the [bleep] out of Iran?’”Speaking of Trump and his team, Meyers concluded: “These guys speak like they’ve been hit on the head with a midnight hammer,”Jimmy Kimmel addressed the “ridiculousness” of the House hearing questioning Hillary Clinton’s supposed ties to Jeffrey Epstein despite the fact that the former secretary of state is only mentioned occasionally in the Epstein files,“She never even met Jeffrey Epstein, but they kept her there and questioned her for more than six hours today,” remarked the host,“They haul her in there, and then they ask her about UFOs and Pizzagate.

These people couldn’t get a job running a Chuck-E-Cheese, let along Pizzagate.“Or, they could bring in someone who Epstein called his closet friend, someone who likes women on the younger side: someone like this gentleman in the pink tie,” Kimmel said, playing a video of a friendly encounter between Epstein and Trump wearing a fuchsia tie.Kimmel then turned to another sexual abuse case that has been making headlines: the co-inventor of the Squatty Potty, Robert Edwards, has been arrested for allegedly buying child sexual abuse material.“Who could have ever guessed that this man might possibly be a weirdo,” said the host, showing a picture of Edwards wearing a suit and demonstrating how to use the restroom helper.“I’m not sure how prison works, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not a good idea to get locked up for child pornography and be the Squatty Potty guy at the same time,” added Kimmel.

Stephen Colbert described himself as “still reeling” from Trump’s State of the Union address earlier that week, noting that ratings were down 11%,“If I were CBS, I’d cancel him,” the host quipped, referencing his own recent censorship dispute with The Late Show’s network,Colbert moved on to discuss the Middle East by noting that the region is on a knife-edge after … a camel beauty contest was hit by a botox cheating scandal,After lighthearted remarks on the bizarre story, the host moved to discuss US-Iran tensions, playing a clip of the special envoy to the Middle East, Steve Witkoff, on Fox News, where he claimed that Iran was a week away from having industrial-grade bomb-making material,This doesn’t align with Trump’s claims last year that the US had “completely obliterated” the country’s nuclear facilities.

Reacting to a Politico headline that read “America prepares for war”, Colbert responded: “America is not preparing for war.America is going with some friends to see Scream 7.Can we put a pin in war for now? If that’s OK, that’s what America would like.” The audience clapped and cheered.“Trump might be poised to launch a war against a nation of 93 million people, but as far as I can tell, this administration has done exactly squat to make a case for it,” Colbert said.

Colbert then turned to Casey Means, Trump’s nominee for surgeon general and a wellness influencer who the host described as a “white lady on the internet who owns a blender”,Noting that Means does not have an active medical license to treat patients, Colbert responded: “If we’re going to pick a surgeon general who isn’t licensed, why not go with Noah Wyle?”
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PM vows to ‘keep fighting’ after Greens sweep past Labour and Reform to win byelection – as it happened

Keir Starmer has vowed to “keep on fighting” despite Labour’s humiliating defeat in the Gorton and Denton by-election. Speaking to reporters, he acknowledged it was a “disappointing” result and that voters were “frustrated”, but insisted he would carry on. Asked if he had considered resigning, Starmer said: “I came into politics late in life to fight for change for those people who need it. I will keep on fighting for those people for as long as I’ve got breath in my body.”Starmer doubled down on the anti-Green party language he was using during the byelection campaign

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Labour MPs demand Starmer change course after humiliating byelection loss

Keir Starmer is facing an ultimatum from his own party to change direction or risk a leadership challenge within months after the Greens humiliated Labour with a historic byelection victory in Gorton and Denton.Overturning a 13,000 Labour majority from the general election, Hannah Spencer, a local plumber and Green councillor, became the party’s fifth MP on Friday. Reform UK’s Matt Goodwin was second, just ahead of the Labour candidate, Angeliki Stogia.The scale of defeat in an area that had returned Labour MPs for nearly a century, and where Starmer’s party still believed it could win even on polling day, plunged his ministers and MPs into renewed despair just weeks after he saw off a challenge to his position.While only a handful of backbenchers called openly for Starmer to depart after the result, even loyal ministers said the surge in the Greens’ fortunes under the leadership of Zack Polanski meant the prime minister had to address an exodus of Labour voters from its left flank

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Labour leadership truce holds for now but clock is ticking for Starmer

When Labour’s Scottish leader, Anas Sarwar, urged Keir Starmer to stand down two weeks ago, the prime minister’s closest advisers presented him with a choice: fight, flight or hand over his destiny to his party by calling a leadership contest.The prime minister chose the first option and his Downing Street team sprung into action to contain the threat. At the moment of greatest peril for Starmer, MPs peered over the precipice and didn’t like what they saw.In the fortnight since, not much has changed. Even with Labour’s humiliating defeat in the Gorton and Denton byelection, where it was pushed into third place behind the Greens and Reform UK, the uneasy truce has persisted

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Spencer’s victory speech an object lesson in grace while Reform’s man rages | John Crace

It could have been a flash of arrogance. Hubris for the ages. On Thursday morning, when most pundits were still calling the Gorton and Denton byelection a three-way fight that was impossible to call, the Green party sent a note to journalists. Come to the first press conference of Hannah Spencer MP tomorrow. And while you’re about it, stay on to join her for her first constituency surgery

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Welsh elections a choice between culture and ignorance, Plaid leader says

The leader of Plaid Cymru has claimed the Welsh parliament elections in May will be a straight fight between his party and Reform UK, which he billed as a choice between “culture or ignorance, humanity or indifference”.Speaking at the party’s biggest ever conference, Rhun ap Iorwerth, the clear favourite to be the next Welsh first minister, said the Gorton and Denton byelection showed Labour and the Tories were “slipping away”, and he promised Plaid had a radical plan to improve Wales’s fortunes.He said that while the Greens had done well to win in Greater Manchester, he was confident voters in Wales looking for a progressive alternative would turn to Plaid.During the leader’s speech in Newport, south-east Wales, ap Iorwerth highlighted plans such as setting up 10 surgical hubs to tackle NHS waiting lists, and making sure every school has a library.He said the party, which is comfortably leading the polls, would reveal a blueprint on Saturday for its first 100 days in power after the Senedd elections

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Reform and Tories report ‘family voting’ allegations to watchdog

Reform UK and the Conservatives have asked the elections watchdog to investigate allegations of corrupt voting in the Gorton and Denton byelection as Nigel Farage claimed there had been “cheating”, despite limited evidence of wrongdoing.The reports to the Electoral Commission come after an election observers group, Democracy Volunteers, said they had witnessed “concerningly high levels” of so-called family voting, where one family member dictates how others cast their ballot.One previous election observer for the group said it would be important to know the methodology behind the group’s claim that 12% of observed voters were involved in family voting, given that there was a “grey line” as to what precisely that meant.The group’s report, published as soon as the polls closed on Thursday night, has given impetus to claims by defeated parties of wrongdoing, with Farage part-echoing Donald Trump’s complaints about stolen elections by saying his party was the victim of “sectarian voting and cheating”.Reform’s chair, David Bull, said later this did not mean the outcome of the election had been changed