Seth Meyers on Kash Patel: ‘He has resting “run for your lives” face’
Late-night hosts dug into the allegations of FBI director Kash Patel’s excessive drinking, Donald Trump’s Iran war struggles and some questionable math by RFK Jr.On Wednesday evening, Seth Meyers relished more details from a shocking Atlantic report from this weekend detailing alleged excessive drinking and erratic behavior by the FBI director, Kash Patel.According to more than two dozen current and former FBI officials, Patel was known to drink to the point of obvious intoxication, and many people expected him to be fired for his unreachability and impulsivity.“Generally speaking, you don’t want to hear that the country’s top law enforcement official is known for having freak-outs, you know?” the Late Night host said.“When you’re the head of the FBI, you’re supposed to be calm and level-headed.
No one wants to tune into a press conference about a potential threat to the homeland and hear a guy who looks like this” – Meyers cut to a photo of Patel’s intense, slightly cross-eyed stare – “scream ‘everyone run for your lives!’“And he always looks like that,He has resting ‘run for your lives’ face,” he quipped,But the “most embarrassing” detail amid a string of embarrassing details, according to Meyers, was that a few weeks ago, when Patel struggled to log on to an internal system, he panicked and began to frantically call aides to tell them he had been fired by the White House,“So he freaked out and told everyone he was fired, but it turned out it was just a technical glitch,” Meyers laughed,“In fact, one FBI official said of Patel’s freak-out, ‘It was all ultimately bullshit.
’ And I, for one, think that would make a great title for the first history textbook about the Trump era.”Patel has pushed back on the claims by suing the Atlantic for $250m and denying everything at a press conference, where he asked the audience how many people in the room believed the allegations were true.“I do!” Meyers answered enthusiastically.“I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.I do! I mean, I don’t know for sure if it’s true, but I definitely believe it’s possible.
We saw you crushing beers in the locker room after the men’s Olympic hockey team won gold.That definitely looks like a guy who might not remember his password the next day.“I can definitely imagine you sitting down at your computer drunkenly crying because you can’t log in,” Meyers continued.“‘Why won’t the beach ball stop spinning?!’”In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel also mocked Patel for “getting hammered this week over a report that he gets hammered on the job.”Patel denied all the claims “not just categorically but maniacally” by suing the Atlantic for $250m.
The magazine has vowed to “vigorously” defend its reporting, which “makes it sound like Patel was blacked-out more than the president’s name in the Trump-Epstein files”, Kimmel quipped,The host then turned to another embattled Trump official: the health and human services secretary, Robert F Kennedy Jr, who appeared at a congressional hearing on Wednesday, where Senator Elizabeth Warren “cut him like a raccoon penis” over Trump’s nonsensical claims about lowering prescription drug prices,“He claims that TrumpRx has reduced prices by as much as 600%,” Warren said,“Six hundred per cent, which I think means companies should be paying you to take their drugs,”Kennedy responded: “President Trump has a different way of calculating … If you have a $600 drug and you reduce it to 10, that’s a 600% reduction.
“Kimmel had choice words for Kennedy’s rationalization: “Who are you going to believe, [Trump] or math? Have you ever bankrupted a casino? I don’t think so.“The actual math is 98%, not 600%, but let’s not get caught up in semantics,” he continued.“Let’s just be quiet and listen to Robert Kennedy breathe.”The host then played another clip from the hearing, in which Kennedy’s rattling breath could be heard throughout the room.“You understand, our secretary of health is dying before our eyes,” Kimmel said.
“And no one is doing anything about it.”And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on Iran after Trump’s announcement on Tuesday indefinitely extending a ceasefire that had been set to expire within hours.“You know what? I’m beginning to think this war might not be over by Memorial Day.Which reminds me … ,” the host said, jokingly shipping a box of “Iran War Jokes” to Jimmy Kimmel, who would still be airing after The Late Show’s final taping next month.But back to Iran: soon after Trump’s announcement, Iran seized two ships from the strait of Hormuz.
The captured ships were the cargo vessels MSC-Francesca and the Epaminondas, “which is actually how I pronounce empanadas after a night of drinking”, Colbert joked.According to one Iranian official, “Trump’s ceasefire extension means nothing,” because “the losing side cannot dictate terms.”Said Colbert: “Hey buddy, we’re America – we don’t lose wars! We just leave them.”Trump “was not happy about Iran giving him the Middle East finger”, he continued, so late on Tuesday night, the president posted on Truth Social that “they only say they want it closed because I have it totally BLOCKADED (CLOSED!), so they merely want to ‘save face.’”“Sounds like someone just learned what the word ‘blockaded’ means,” Colbert said.
According to numerous reports, Trump wants out of his increasingly unpopular war.And in response to sinking poll numbers, he posted on Truth Social a New York Times report praising the ratings for The Apprentice … from April 2004.“Always a tipoff that life isn’t going great for you when you start to brag about something from 22 years ago,” said Colbert, imagining a similar scenario: “You kids think that Dad’s a loser! Well I’ll have you know that back in high school, I once won two free tickets to see the Spin Doctors in Anaheim at the Grove.”
Iran war hurting UK economy as consumer confidence falls; BP’s new chair suffers investor revolt – as it happened
Breaking: UK consumer confidence has fallen for the third month in a row, as people grow more nervous about their personal financial situation and the economy.Data provider GfK’s Consumer Confidence Barometer, just released, has fallen by four points to -25 in April, the biggest drop in a year.That’s the lowest level since autumn 2023, indicating that the disruption and high energy prices caused by the Iran war is alarming consumers.When asked about the UK economy, the measure for the country’s general economic situation over the last 12 months decreased by eight points to -51. Expectations for the general economic situation over the coming 12 months fell by six points to -43, GfK reports
Simon Edye obituary
My friend and one-time employer Simon Edye, who has died aged 73, ran the popular Ronaldo Ices in Norwich for more than 40 years, starting with one homemade, hand-hauled Victorian-style barrow and going on to supply shops, restaurants, theatres and visitor attractions throughout East Anglia.Born in Sidlesham, West Sussex, to John Edye, a journal editor, and Alison (nee Allan), a teacher, Simon was the eldest of three brothers. He went to Chichester high school for boys, then in 1970 started a social sciences degree at the University of East Anglia, but dropped out, settled in Norwich and tried his hand at various jobs: fruit and veg picker and ganger, acupuncturist, taxi driver and bicycle repairman, for which a friend painted the humorous sign “Honest Ron Enterprises – Bicycle Repairs”.With Simon’s brother, Jo, “Honest Ron’s” then went into the stir-fry business, with a stall at Stonehenge, Albion Fairs in East Anglia, and even the Epsom Derby. In 1983, Simon built his barrow and started selling ice cream on Norwich’s pedestrianised London Street
Private health records of half a million Britons offered for sale on Chinese website
The confidential health records of half a million British volunteers have been offered for sale on Chinese website Alibaba, the UK government has confirmed.The “de-identified” data, belonging to participants in the UK Biobank project, was found for sale on three separate listings last week. Ian Murray, the technology minister, told the Commons on Thursday that, after working with the Chinese government and Alibaba, the records had now been removed. It is not believed any sales were made.The latest breach comes after the Guardian revealed last month that sensitive UK Biobank data has been exposed online dozens of times, raising further questions about whether security has been too lax
Some Interrail travellers told to cancel passports as hacked data posted online
Holidaymakers across Europe are facing the stress and expense of getting new passports after their personal data was posted on the dark web after a hack of the Interrail company Eurail.Personal data, including passport numbers, names, phone numbers, email and home addresses and dates of birth of more than 300,000 European travellers was accessed in December. But this week Eurail revealed to customers that “data copied during the security incident has been offered for sale on the dark web and a sample dataset has been published on Telegram”.The announcement has led to renewed anger and confusion. The UK Passport Office has told at least one customer they needed to “cancel their passport to prevent it being used for fraudulent activity”, with the Home Office agency also indicating they needed to pay the full £102 fee for a replacement
‘It has clearly exceeded expectations’: inside Red Bull’s F1 engine factory
Driven hard, driven fast is very much the norm in Formula One, on and off track, but even by the sport’s own standards the development of Red Bull’s in-house engine project has been exceptional. As is what it has delivered.Walking through the gleaming corridors of the team’s bespoke engine manufacturing department at their Milton Keynes headquarters, it is all but impossible to conceive that only four years ago the area where the buildings stand was just empty space peppered with rubble.The decision to build their own engines rather than continuing to buy customer units from other manufacturers ranks among the boldest steps Red Bull have ever undertaken. It is no little feat even for a team who have long revelled in carving their own path in F1
Swiatek leads players’ surprise as WTA head Portia Archer quits after two years
A number of top players on the WTA tour have expressed their surprise at the abrupt decision by its chief executive, Portia Archer, to resign from her role this week after two years at the helm.“I heard literally two minutes ago, so I really don’t know why now and everything,” said Iga Swiatek after winning her first-round match 6-1, 6-2 against Daria Snigur at the Madrid Open. “We always had a good relationship. I felt like she listened to what we had to say and was really open-minded.”An experienced sports executive who previously worked in the NBA’s G League, Archer was appointed CEO of the WTA in June 2024
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